Writer: Bob DeRosa, Ted Griffin,
Director: Robert Luketic
Starring: Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher
"true lies" but with ashton kutcher and katherine heigl in the roles of schwarzenegger and curtis. he also is not technically in the biz anymore.
T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E. TERRIBLE. terrible. not only was this movie lame, stupid, and boring, it was TERRIBLE! filled with things like a wife who is paranoid that her husband of 3 years doesn't love her anymore because she's been wearing her "fat" jeans (because katherine heigl is such a fucking cow) and letting her fancy parts perhaps, maybe, go untrimmed. what-the-FUCK. i can't even begin. if you can't be comfortable being yourself because you know your partner loves you because it's you, and god forbid you gain 5 or 30 lbs and let the bush go jungle then prepare for a lifetime of neurosis, self loathing and divorce. oh and the plot was shit to boot. there was no real "action" dudes a spy. has a ton of spies coming to kill him, and yet he doesn't even get a scratch. it's like the power rangers. goody- goody at everything gets a little boring. not that i should be comparing because it's apples and heroin, but john mcclane gets seriously messed up and he's way more awesome.
have i mentioned that not only did katherine heigl not get cool and spy-ey by the end, she just bitched and whined through the entire movie. that's ok though, because she was pregnant. we all know how those silly females get when their pregnant, right? yeah. it's a good thing sandra bullock won an oscar so she can move onto more serious work because all her crappy romantic comedy roles have been handed down to katherine heigl. only katherine heigl is not nearly as endearing.
i looked at the timer at 8 minutes 36 seconds, ashton kutcher, full of the douchey mcdouchestein vibe, was hanging off of a copter, or repelling down a cable, i sighed and said a jeebus, this is crap. can i possibly get through another hour and a half? i did, folks. yes. i. did.