Saturday, August 14, 2010
Written by Robert Hiltzik
Directed by Robert Hiltzik
Starring Felissa Rose, Jonathan Tiersten, the dude from "The Manhattan Project," extremely short shorts, ridiculous cutoff muscle shirts, a couple of phalluses, a very large, 3-foot deep pond
boat accident involving father and two kids occurs. eight(?) years later surviving child goes to summer camp with the cousin she's been living with. short shorts, pedophiles, bitchy early teen ho bags, and a psycho killer on the loose. fun, fun fun!
Just like we can't come to a conclusion as to whether this movie should get a 1 or a 5 (though by the time you read this we will have), I'm not quite sure how to approach this review.
This was a seriously flawed venture which still had a decent reveal/twist at the end; and Leila pegged it only a couple of minutes before it hit the screen. The opening scene sets the stage for the rest of the movie, and the expectations are neither exceeded nor squandered. I didn't understand how two people were killed and the murders hushed so poorly that (in a throwaway line which I didn't actually hear) parents were pulling their kids out of the camp at an alarming rate, but the number of extras never changed. I didn't understand how the owner of the camp could let slide some things such as ten-camper brawls that happened literally under his nose. However, in slaloming through the shit posts, I did come to understand the direct and oblique motives of the killer and that's what makes it difficult to decide how to take the experience.
Because the experience was joyfully entertaining for both of us. I was serious about the opening scene setting the stage. It was just too over the top for me believe that it came from humorous intent and that made it all the more awesome. The screaming and the stupidity and the acting and the production had us giggling even though we weren't exactly sure who died and who didn't. But if there was any doubt after the first scene, the second one just took it the rest of the way. The mother of the two children was flamboyantly nonsensical. The utter impossibility of any serious approach to the role is so like the utter impossibility of (e.g.) Pat Robertson taking himself seriously that I'm forced to believe that there was no irony whatsoever.
Once we get to the camp, things can only go downhill; but they do so in such a waterslide-fun manner. For example, how is it that nobody picks up the fact that the "head chef" is a pedophile? How do the counselors (who were not really apparently counselors for another half-hour of screen time) look to be exactly the same age as the campers and why does it make sense that they take campers down to the lake in the middle of the night? How does a team of apparent 12-year-olds defeat a team of apparent 17-year-olds at slow-pitch softball? Who the fuck decided to wrap a single layer of bright red fabric so tightly around a giant whang that you can practically see the hole? The answer to all but the last question is: who cares?
Therefore, much like, "American Ninja 4," I wholeheartedly recommend that you watch this movie solely for the gratuitous penis. Everything else is a bonus, but much like AN4 it's a 400% bonus at the end of a very successful year.
holy crap, this movie is awesome! i loved every minute of it. from the tight short shorts, so short and tight there was a question whether they were underwear or not, to the bad acting, to the special effects, to the most awesome plot and end. i'm kind of sad we sent it back today and i can't watch it again. sigh. seriously, this movie is amazingly bad and awesome and wonderful. it is everything a horror movie should be.
moster takes things far too seriously. this is not a movie to dissect and think about plot points. just swallow and enjoy. it's called fun.
i also think it's interesting that we watched this on friday the 13th......mmmm camp movies......