Friday, February 4, 2011
Writer: Naomi L. Selfman
Director: Mary Lambert
Starring: Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Tiffany's Cleavage
An idiotic animal activist releases experimental pythons into the wild. These pythons attack the wildlife (specifically alligators) and grow to mega size, thus upsetting the local ecosystem. An idiotic park ranger feeds experimental steroids to the alligators, creating gatoroids to battle the mega pythons. Off camera (and possibly independently from each other) these two women sing duets. Spoiler alert: both characters die in ways which would be difficult even for a soap operauter to undo.
i tried not to pay attention to this nonsense, but i couldn't. by the end i was cheering and laughing along. this is totally a movie that knows exactly what it is. it walked that line and fell on the right side. i know syfy has had it's fair share of great original movies, but, dare i say it, this was the cream of the crop. i thought the hype surrounding it was a harbinger of doom because that's usually how that works. i stand corrected. good carrer movie ms. gibson, ms. tiffany. the ending was a bold move as well. i did not see it coming. plus! bonus original music tracks.
This movie was thoroughly entertaining. It hit exactly the note which Snakes on a Plane missed so egregiously. It was blissfully self-aware. It was excellent in its simplicity; and you could drive a tank over the suspension bridge of disbelief. While I'm not entirely clear if gatoroidic consumption led to further pythonic megification there is no doubt in my mind that the amount of dynamite employed would commit zero genocides rather than two.
I must mention (yet again, I suppose) how Ms. Tiffany's breasts deserve third billing. Is this a covert episode of Project Runway? Who makes a ranger's uniform to look like that? I am not exaggerating when I say that one scene featured over ten cuts between a shot where front cleavage was immediately over the shoulder of the speaker and a shot where side boobage was in the center of the frame.