Dancer in the Dark

Dancer in the Dark (2000)


Writer: Lars Von Trier
Director: Lars Von Trier
Starring: Björk, Catherine Deneuve

Synopsis
A woman has a pretty shitty life, but she has a goal and she's working toward that goal slowly and deliberately.  Then she gets totally screwed over by a pig but she maintains some nobility.


The Woman
i recognize that this was a good movie. but it's good in the way that "monster's ball" or "requiem for a dream" was good. once or never is enough for me. shitty life. shitty death. suffering. all around shittyness. there's enough for everyone! come gather round and i'll tell you a story of a woman who was going blind, lost her job, her savings which she was saving for a life changing operation for her child were stolen, lost her living quarters, is railroaded and taken advantage of everywhere she goes, and when she decides to actually stick up for herself she ends up being convicted of murder and sent to the gallows. it's just a little uplifting story to tell the kiddies. yay for blindness. yay for bjork.

MOster
Through the four sessions of, "is he awake again?"  I really liked this movie.  It is, as my woman points out, not the sort of thing you come across on the guide and say, "Oh, let's put this on for a few minutes," but it's pretty great, and well over the "unique enough" line.

Intentionally shot to look like a low-rent episode of Dateline I found a good portion of verisimilitude here.  I really liked how the picture was fuzzier when we were looking through her eyes.  I think that the musical numbers were a neat jab at the idiocy inherent in movie musicals while showing that she was able to find joy through all the crappiness of her existence.  She doesn't come across as being terribly intelligent and I think that that unfairness is intentional, because I do think that she knew what was going on. I could totally see this story happening in reality, especially because I choose to believe (and I might have missed) that the story was set at least ten years earlier than its release date.

The sadness that drives the beauty here is embodied by her actions at the end of the movie.  She eschews a second chance so she can give her kid a first one  Her decision not to see him led me to real questions of morality. I can see how she would want to make that kind of a clean break and not expose her son to all the crap, but I don't know if I would be strong enough.  It wears on her, though, and we can see the struggle.  But in the end she recognizes the futility of her situation, and that might be the most depressing part of all.

Finally, to lighten the mood (really just for my woman), Douche!

the woman-  keeeeeeeeeith morrrrrrrrison!!

It's Kind of a Funny Story

It's Kind of a Funny Story (2010)


Writer: Ryan Fleck & Anna Boden (screenplay) and Ned Vizzini (novel)
Director: Ryan Fleck & Anna Boden
Starring: Keir Gilchrist, Zach Galifianakas

Synopsis
a kid who is very pressured in being great thinks he may possibly make an attempt at suicide and convinces an e.r. doctor to admit him to the psych ward for 5 days where he finds companions and love.

MOster
This movie is, to a T, exactly what it is.  If you can get past the 20 minute mark you'll know the ending.

Everything down the entire stack of the production was stock.  The camera is where it has to be in this shot. The expressions are what they're supposed to be when that thing you knew was going to happen happens.  There is slow motion where the formula calls for slow motion.  There are montages and mean teenagers and a troupe of mental patients picked from movies ranging from considerably better (Cuckoo's Nest) to are-you-fucking-serious (The Dream Team).  BUT, there is some sensitivity to middle-eastern culture which is a little bit new, including reconciliation between a Muslim and a Jew (who had never interacted before).


Actually, what I said in the beginning (Do you remember that? It was all of a hundred words ago) is not quite true; because the ending of the movie was obviously, glaringly re-tooled due to a poor reception by some preview audiences.


Seriously, I can't deal with this shit.  I'd rather watch an annoying arty movie that doesn't make nearly as much sense as it could; or a slow, quiet, beautiful study of morality; or... fuck... Sleepaway Camp.


The Woman
terrible. i feel as though whoever was responsible for this movie really had something and then it got ripped apart in post production into something unrecognizable. it was like when you see parodies of MTV stuff. with the editing and lack of a cohesive plot. everything's hip and new! look at this crazy editing and maybe you won't notice the terrible storyline. like a crow or magpie being distracted by shiny things.

suicide and institutionalization is sort of heavy, but has the potential for greatness, especially when the main character is sort of that 'i'm so different and all alone in my despair but really i'm totally exactly the same as every other teenager on the face of the planet' emotionally. plus such greats were completely left unused and wasted like jim gaffigan and zach galafiniakas, who we both decided actually killed himself in the end, but it was too much of a downer so they cut it and just threw in a line at the end to explain his mysterious absence. we learned nothing about emma roberts character either. just here's a chick who is approximately the same age as you so there can be a love interest. the only reason you know she's a cutter is because of the scars on her face, that way we don't have to go into it at all. she also gets to leave inpatient care the same time as our lead because...well...they made plans to go to a vampire weekend concert. that's as much explanation as we got.

for a movie about self discovery this was pretty shallow. and terrible. and stagnant.

p.s. it's actually not kind of a funny story.

Love and Other Drugs

Love and Other Drugs (2010)


Writer: people
Director: Edward Zwick
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway

Synopsis
a gross pharmaceutical rep on his way to the big time falls in love with his fuck buddy who just happens to have parkinsons to create some lame drama.

The Woman
i can't believe i actually watched this whole thing! i should wear it as a badge of honor. a tattoo on my forehead. :i sat through ALL of "love and other drugs". maybe i should seek treatment. maybe it's a self loathing thing, like cutting. about twenty minutes in, i just wanted anne hathaway to die. i wanted to see that parkinsons just run it's course and have some sort of satisfaction. i wanted to see jake gyllenhaal cry and be sad and then, unrealistically vow his allegiance to his love by throwing himself off a building. i don't think he loved her that much though.

neither of their characters had any worth whatsoever. the introduction to james, or whatever his character was called, was superfluous and boring. i don't need to know his family life through 1 dinner conversation that is quickly over and forgotten, never to come up again. i don't care that he was a good electronics salesman with a brain bashing spin doctors montage. (it was in these first minutes that i experienced the urge to get up and just turn it off. then go purge the spin doctors from my digestion tract. why? why did i continue?) after yet another montage we get to meet poor anne hathaway, she has a terrible disease. i know from the two or three scenes in which her symptoms are shown. so smarmy, serial lady doer guy with low self-esteem starts doing angry sick girl who pushes anyone away from her because she has a debilitating disease at such a tender age.  and they have lots of boring issues and they try to be funny by having a fat, rich, younger brother thrown into some circumstances. they are both unredeemable and unlovable. there is the classic romantic comedy break up argument and then the classic guy speech about how much he loves his lady friend after time spent apart. however, this particular speech was the most unmoving " i love you and want you back" speech i've ever heard! if i wasn't so irritated with having watched this thing in it's entirety i would have laughed it was so pathetic. i'm sorry. i love you. i know you're sick and i'll help you out when you can't help yourself even though you don't ask because i love you. time spent together montage. the end.

if you ever wanted to see anne hathaway whip out her tits 900 times then this is the movie for you, but as i was not interested in her nipples this was a train wreck of a boring bad movie. also, apparently, this was based on a non-fiction book. so then, i guess, movie makers couldn't decide what kind of a movie to make. drama? romantic comedy? political statement? all three did not work. or indecision prevailed and created that mess.

p.s. did i mention the flimsy attempt at criticizing the health care system in this land of the USA? no? well it doesn't really matter...hey look! anne hathaway's nips are out again!

Femme Fatale

Femme Fatale (2002)


Writer: Brian DePalma
Director: Brian DePalma
Starring: romjin-stamos before the non stamos status, Antonio Bandaras- sort of.

Synopsis
Female high-end thief conspires to double-cross her co-thieves on a big heist.  Things go badly for her; and in running away she gets confused for a woman who just lost her baby and takes a bath in that woman's parents' house and watches her commit suicide.  Then she impersonates that woman and becomes the wife of the American Ambassador to France and she gets blackmailed, but not for that.

She also fucks Antonio Bandaras on a pool table.  Through the course of this movie there are more double- and triple-crosses...

The Woman
sigh. i don't find the romjin attractive. she seems incredibly plain jane to me. i suppose she has a nice ass, but that's like saying a car is awesome because of the chrome fender. she is also a H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E actress. nothing like a starring role to point that small fact out. she was a way better actress in french which i find really funny.
so onto the actual movie: i felt like this movie was treating me, an audience member, like the kid that eats glue, hits his head on the wall, and has an excessive amount of drooliness. i was actually offended at how dumb i was being treated. people don't have to wear the same outfits when they're introduced 7 years later for me to figure out who they are. there were also amazing situations that were beyond the scope of suspending disbelief. and THEN the movie took the stupid jumping the shark patrick duffy wants his old dallas job back, but we killed off his character approach. which threw me into the anger and hatred stage of this movie.

i realize this was a kind of homage to the film noir of old hollywood. that fact was hammered into my face with all the subtly of a hammer in my face. however, the music was overbearing, and the directing and editing were crazy over the top. sophisticated homages to old school movies are possible. it's been done. i feel like this was an outdated, poorly acted, k-mart version of a burberry trench coat.

MOster
...Also there is a distinct lack of subtlety.

There are ways you can look at this movie where it's not quite as annoying as it actually is.  You could say that Ms. Stamos is attractive--and she is, if you don't mind a bit of the buttah--but she's pretty well on par with  Haley Berry in that fucking X Men movie.



You could say that Antonio Bandaras's over-the-top retardation is fun, but you'd be wrong about that one.  You could say that that one sex scene with the two chicks in the bathroom in the beginning is fairly hot.  You'd be right about that, but you'd only tease people into watching the rest of the movie for no real reason.  All I know for sure is that as far as this movie is concerned it's the greatest thing since The Sixth Sense.


True, it took us a bit (probably a little longer than it should, because we weren't rapt with attention) to work out the TWIST but in retrospect it was clear much earlier on.  And when the viewer is clued in to this masterstroke of 9th grade storytelling it, just like any good 9th grader, dances around in circles with its tongue out because it got you in this cosmic joke thingy.

Seriously, that's how this thing reads: like the final paper in a high school English course on literary devices.

Morvern Callar

Morvern Callar (2002)


Writer: Liana Dognini &Lynne Ramsay (screenplay?), alan someone (novel)
Director: Lynne Ramsay
Starring: Samantha Morton

Synopsis
a chick whose boyfriend commits suicide goes through some stuff. silently. she doesn't tell anyone he's dead. hacks up his body, takes his money, and gets the book he wrote for her published under her name. then she goes on holiday to spain, with her whore friend and then leaves town. all to the soundtrack of the music her dead boyfriend gave to her.

MOster
This wasn't an AV Club movie.  This was a Netflix recommendation that sounded a lot better when I read the description.  I put it on the queue and I take responsibility for that.  This was in English, so the scarf got longer or the intricate embroideries continued to expand or whatever.  People don't have to talk in a movie to make it a good movie, but they do have to talk in a movie so you can look at the screen less than 50% of the time.   The rules bite us both in the ass.  It's just another thing to grumble about in the short term that will not be on the "oh yeah?" list in another six months.

I suppose I should talk about the movie, which was not at all what I anticipated and not in a good way.  The first 20 minutes or so were captivating.  I was curious to find out what happened to the characters but I would have been more interested to see more about her blowing the money or whatever then what was actually on the screen.  That said, there were some nice shots and the acting was better than one could expect.

The Woman
goddammit i can't wait until this a.v.club list of movies that moster put on willy nilly because the a.v. club told him he should that have two lines of dialog every hour and are really, really, deep, man, comes to an end. moster keeps saying ,"but they're pretty and well directed" that does NOT make a good movie. there has to be substance that is attainable too. i don't care about this chick. i don't care what her motives are, and i certainly don't give a shit about a journey she takes to find out that life is shit wherever you go. you're still you, bitch. deal with it. i don't need 2 hours of "well directed" pointlessness to have that epiphany.

Tron: Legacy

Tron: Legacy (2010)


Writer: Edward Kitsis, Adam Horowitz...AND 6 OTHER PEOPLE (what, were they playing telephone around a conference table?)
Director: Joseph Kosinski
Starring: Garrett Hedlund, Olivia Wilde, Jeff Bridges, and a terribly rendered CG Jeff Bridges

Synopsis
This is a coming-of-age story in which the protagonist is a smart rich kid.


The Woman 
jeeeeeesus boosteebus, this was bad. it didn't make any sense to me at all. i think having a digital world with programs running around like people is a little outdated too. tube technology has come far. those newfangled computers aren't so newfangled anymore. microchips and hula-hoops are more tangible for the modern man. it's no fantasy fantasy where god demands macaroni pictures. it's a piece of thing that fits on your fingertip.

it didn't help that we attempted to watch this during the megadisaster of the october blizzard where the trees were snapping all around us and the power kept flickering like we were in studio 54, and the 3 year old who resides with us was on an amphetamine-like binge of nonsleep. we had to stop and restart many electronics several times until we finally gave up an hour in and finished the rest the next day. by no means am i saying we would have enjoyed this had the fates not been heeding us to stop, but it certainly didn't help with the understanding of the nonsensical mythology. also. the guy, you know, the son? his face really irritated me. he's like a mix of a cat a monkey and disney's tweedle-dee and dum. it made me gnash my teeth.

MOster
This was another pretty movie. I guess the acting was OK.  I didn't see any real problems with the blocking, and I could always discern the dialog.  None of it was particularly special, except for the digital ashram.

I... I... I can't.  I just can't.  I just can't begin to think about beginning to think about dissecting the technical elements of the universe in the story, so I'll just simply give you the endpoint:  What would it have mattered if all these programs became corporeal?  You'd have however many people who you now need to feed and clothe and house and everything else, just to take over a planet filled with orders of magnitude of more people.  And NOBODY WOULD KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION IN OUR WORLD.


With that in mind, the stakes are reduced to practically zero.  OK, this kid wants to get his dad (and himself) back to the real world.  OK, that's really difficult.  But since the movie isn't framed this way we have no investment in their relationship. So what's the point?

The point is pretty pictures and a desire for delicious dollars.

Winnebago Man

Winnebago Man (2009)


Director: Ben Steinbauer

Synopsis
a documentary about Jack Rebney, a guy made famous by his winnebago industrial video outtakes, and how and what he's doing 20 years after they were made. that is a horrible sentence. i should get a job in the digital cable info button department.

MOster
This was pretty good all around. One of the problems that I tend to see in documentaries is a lack of clear vision, and this presented us with a single, cohesive narrative and little screwing around.  I don't know how much of that vision was clear to the filmmaker when he was obtaining the video, and that's all the more impressive.  One of the things which impresses me about a lot of documentaries--even the ones which waste my time--is how a small group of people stick with a subject for much longer than the length of a fictional feature. The filming here spans something like three years and it would have been impossible to know that it would even be possible for most of the first year of its production.  That's probably because the director is some rich white kid.

The subject matter here was interesting, even through the somewhat broken lens of time to which we are exposed.  There's some background into the guy and some information about those 20 years, but really just enough to contextualize the clips of the outtake videos and his current political stance.  His fame is no more justified than those Jersey Shore douches, but he's getting a lot less exposure.  That's OK, because he doesn't care. And the true success of the film is that we do.

Or, at least we did for an hour and a half.


The Woman
i enjoyed this. the journey that was made from the director finding the infamous jack rebney to jack rebney's discovery and acceptance (?) of his fan base. it's always great to see the life of a true, non-fiction, character. i also love ornery old guys. i believe i will be an ornery old lady myself one day. i picture overalls and a pipe as accessories in seclusion. i'm glad he had a kindred spirit in his friend as well. even hermits need someone to lean on. yay, for jack rebney.

this is a shining example of a documentary with a subject whose life before is not made clear, but is still a success in telling a biographical story. something which " cameraman: the life and work of jack cardiff" failed to do.