The Rite

The Rite (2011)

Writer: Michael Petroni, Matt Baglio
Director: Mikael Håfström
Starring:Colin O'Donoghue, Anthony Hopkins

Synopsis
a young priest who is going through a doubting his faith stage is sent to rome to become an exorcist. he falls under the guidance of an edgy older exorcist priest. they perform an exorcism together. things go awry. no, this is not "the exorcist" because of that slight difference of the priests are in rome.

The Woman
be glad, moster. be very, very glad you weren't a part of this one. you know it's going to be iffy when a "horror" movie is rated PG-13. it's just never a good sign. this was one of the most unoriginal movies i may have ever seen. can we approach exorcism from a different stand point? is it possible? not that i believe in any of it, but movies have the ability to pretend in different ways, right? i don't care about a faith crisis. maybe i have no tolerance for it because i am not a believer in the G-O-D. the whole premise of demons exist, therefore, there is a god, i've found my faith again, took waaaaaaaaaay too friggin' long. the audience makes this connection within the first ...i'll be generous and say half hour. to drag it out to the last 15 minutes in a 2 hour movie becomes irritating and the priest comes off as a whiny bitch who constantly needs a cheerleader to praise him. it's eye-roll inducing that this revelation is supposed to be the ta-dah moment. the end also comes off as a bit, pardon the pun, but preachy.

also the music queues are so ridiculously over dramatic it's almost funny.

Good Neighbours

Good Neighbours (2010)

Writer: Jacob Tierney (screenplay) Chrystine Brouillet
Director: Jacob Tierney
Starring: Jay Baruchel, Emily Hampshire, Scott Speedman

Synopsis
a serial killer is on the loose in montreal. there are three neighbors who are weird and have dark quirkiness. one is in a wheelchair. one is in love with her cats, and one is a timid liar.

The Woman
this had some potential, but it just didn't do it for me. maybe the novel is better. i was not in suspense, nor was it very mysterious. i was actually a little bored. the last 10 minutes got a little suspenseful in who was going to fuck who over, but it was over pretty quick. they were all pretty gross and annoying people though, so i didn't really care. it sort of reminded me of ...simon....wait. let me look the title up... "henry fool". it was that sort of a pace. and emily hampshire could be parker posey's stand-in and only a couple people would notice the difference. maybe it was just her character, but i kept having to remind myself that it wasn't, in fact, parker posey.

plus i've seen "how to train your dragon" about 10 times with the little kid in the house so all i can picture when i hear jay bruchel is hiccup.

all in all this was pretty forgettable.

What Time is it There?

What Time is it There? (2001)


Writer: some people
Director: an asian guy from...malaysia?
Starring: some people...two-ish of them

Synopsis
a wathc vendor guy becomes obsessed with this chick he sold his watch to. he's sad because his father died. she's in paris because. and sad because she's experiencing loneliness and culture shock. they get run over by trains...i made that last sentence up.
MOster
This was pretty disappointing. It was on a list of top films of the decade from a site I trust; and I don't know if I should be disappointed in myself for COMPLETELY MISSING THE POINT or if I should be disappointed in them for putting it forward.   The two storylines were supposed to be connected by some strange mystical force but I didn't see that at all.  The direction was trite and cliche, and the ending felt tacked-on.

I would go into more detail, but:
A) The odds of one of you watching this are extremely small.
B) We watched this a very long time ago.
C) Again, I got no passion from watching this.


The Woman
holy crap, i HATED this. i want my two hours back.

The Next Three Days

The Next Three Days (2010)


Writer: Paul Haggis (screenplay), Fred Cavaye & Guillame Lemans (franch screenplay?)
Director: Paul Haggis
Starring: Russell "man the sails!" Crowe, Elizabeth Banks, and old man Brian Dennehy

Synopsis
a guy's wife is arrested and sentenced to life for murdering her boss. russell crowe loves her so much and is convinced she is innocent. when the justice system fails and all avenues have been pursued and lost, he plans to break her out. does he have the balls to do it?

The Woman
man. i can't work this one out. i know i didn't like it and here's why: they did a good job humanizing the situation. the horror of being ripped from your husband and toddler with no warning for something you didn't do. the agony of watching your son grow distant and angry towards you. horrible. but the plot was kind of boring for an hour and forty minutes of the two hour movie. it's mostly russell crowe just researching and testing things out and educating himself on how to successfully break someone out of jail. it was a weird mix of a dramatic character piece and action movie and i don't think it was successful in it's mixture. i have issue with the ending as well. i was upset at both types of endings. when it looks like they will successfully get away i felt gypped (is that an offensive term to use?) because throughout the whole movie russell crowe just fucks up every endeavor he undertakes. so why would he be successful in the big one? but then when it looks like they're going to get caught i was upset too because deep down you want them to live happily ever after with the crap hand they have been dealt for the last three years.

it's irritating to me that the way i feel about this is an enigma. i don't want to put this much thought into a movie i ultimately disliked. especially a russell crowe movie. maybe that says something in itself?

The Princess of Montpensier

The Princess of Montpensier (2010)


Writer: Jean Cosmos, Madame de La Fayette, Francois-Olivier Rousseau, Bertrand Tavernier
Director: Bertrand Tavernier
Starring: Melanie Thierry, Lambert Wilson, Gregoire Leprince-Ringuet, Raphael Personnaz

Synopsis
during the catholic vs. huguenot war a chick with a title marries a guy with a title (a cousin) even though she loves her other cousin. everyone falls in love with her because she is soooo beautiful and jealousy consumes her husband who is barely ever around because he's too busy being sent here there and everywhere to kill protestants.

The Woman
this was interesting and yet not. i kept comparing this to "queen margot" (a much better film) only because it took place at the exact same time and included some of the same historical people. it was very pretty to watch with all the rich fabrics and decor, but i was not too impressed by it on a whole. yet another historical romance love pentagon movie. i've seen it before, and i've seen it done better.

 i could see how this is critically good, but it just didn't touch my soul.

Taking Woodstock

Taking Woodstock (2009)
Written by James Schamus, Elliot Tiber (book), Tom Monte (book)
Directed by Ang Lee, and don't you forget it!
Starring Demetri Martin, Imelda Staunton, Henry Goodman, Eugene Levy's eyebrows, special appearance by Liev Schreiber's face

Synopsis
A kid's family's Catskills "resort" is in danger of foreclosure.  The Woodstock festival is in danger of not happening.  Connections are made.

Every single milestone that you would think is in this movie is in this movie.

 The Wooman
truly shme shme shme. this thing ran about an hour too long, which tipped it into the annoying category. the whole thing leading up to woodstock was mildly interesting, but then it seemed like storylines were dropped and new ones were introduced halfway through. eh. i don't care enough to write anymore. check. off the queue. onto the next one.


MOster
We've written about 300 of these things, and I don't feel like repeating myself.  I could give you a hundred words or so which would start with, "I used to like Ang Lee..." but why should I bother?  I could give you another couple hundred jumping from, "Everything was fine..." but you've heard it all before.  I could talk about standout performances in a sea of mediocrity, but I've done that bit, too. I could talk about a plot which was telegraphed from kettle drums which are 500 feet in diameter; but I'll save that for a movie which generates in me one iota of real passion.

Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall, and Spring

Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall, and Spring (2003)


Writer: Ki-duk Kim
Director: Ki-duk Kim
Starring: Ki-duk Kim, Yeong-su Oh

Synopsis
a monk in a temple in the middle of a river trains a child monk. the kid is a really bad buddhist. vagina leads him astray. things go wrong, and then the circle of life.

MOster
Oh, my beautiful, beautiful curmudgeon.  Would you have worn such a wry expression on your face for the duration of this movie had you watched it eleven years ago?

I did find this film to be beautiful.  It was a "circle of life" movie, but it came from a place of which I didn't know very much and which I found to be fascinating.  There was some imagery which I may or may not have understood. Was Old Monk reincarnated as the snake? If so, was that a reward for his attempt or a punishment for his failure?  Were the scenes at the end flashbacks or something deeper? 

This was a quiet movie, and I like those in general. It seems to me that it represented a life which, while not for me, is idyllic and unachievable for a large portion of the population.  I like when characters don't need a lot of dialog to convey what they're thinking and I don't think it's a slight against the actors to say that they pulled it off very well.

Keeping all that in mind, you know what would have improved this movie? B.D. Wong. 

ETA:  It's annoying to me that the woman dominates the poster.


The Woman
MOSTER!!!!!! this is what happens when moster takes suggestions on what would be a good movie to watch. shme. and totally forgettable. i'm glad it's back in the mail and not collecting dust on our shelf. boring. barely any dialog. not bad, just boring. moster says it was shot "beautifully" i disagree. it was done well, but not "beautifully". at best average leaning towards good.