Sunday, November 7, 2010
Written by David Scarpa (derived by), Edmund H. North (derived from)
Directed by Scott Derrickson
Starring A Block of Wood, A Younger Woman with a Mortgage, An Older Woman with a Mortgage, A British Gentlemen with Eleven Mortgages, A Relative Newcomer Who Still Should Have Known Better, Daniel San
Again this falls on me; but it will be easier this time. A mysterious sphere shoots from far away right into Central Park. Our government (and ONLY our government) is able to determine that with no course correction it will land in Central Park. A canoe emerges, only to be shot, poked, prodded, and condescended to before it escapes. Because Americans are the only example it requires, all this crap shows it how poorly humanity is doing and it makes the decision to extinctify us. But then it learns about love from a stupid little boy who knows little more than how to complain and idolize his dead soldier father; so the Earth stands still... but not really.
this was fantastic! all remakes should be as good as this. then maybe hollywood would stop making remakes. this movie is a perfect example of taking a simple, one track, moral of the story, classic and making so complex, and twisted around, that in the end it makes no sense. klaatu never spoke to anyone in power, never got his message across to the human race before he just said 'you guys are cool' to jennifer connelly and away he went up into the blue. the whole premise of this remake is that the human race must be pushed to the edge of destruction to realize they need to change. a plague of robotic locusts that go a hundred miles is not going to change the whole of mankind. i don't even think it would change american mankind. maybe it would. i feel the change in my heart. we can no longer fight wars and poison this planet. the robotic locusts have destroyed I-95. at least one trucker has died. we must change.
also what was the deal with the chinese/alien observer guy that sold us down the river. way to go asshole. now we're all doomed. you say you want to stay and die with us because we're so loveable and wonderful, but you can't tell an eentsie weentsie lie and tell keanu that our race is awesome and we'll hug trees, and dance around with daisies in our hair, holding hands and singing kumbaya!?! jerk.
i loved this movie.
ps. the earth stood still in the first one to get the attentions of the leaders of the world. it was not some expert throw in 'oh crap the earth has to stand still, because it's the title of the movie.....ummmm. we shall make it a fancy way for klaatu's ship to take off in the last 30 seconds of the movie'
This movie didn't exceed my expectations; it bucked them. I expected to see the Canoe doing more one-on-one stuff with that icy voice, and his Canoe-ness might have served that concept well. But what we got was much more stock stupidity. I could do a few hundred words just about the geography in this thing, but we'll skip that.
What was cool about the first movie was that Klaatu really was a cool customer. This guy goes around and gets himself into trouble on purpose. Then he does things like kill people just so he can resurrect them. Is he an investigator? An enforcer? A judge/jury? You probably shouldn't care.
There's a whole thing with the army trying to (against Posse Comitatus) destroy the sphere or the robot, kind of reveling in the futility of their actions. There's some sort of something about the robot turning into (or generating?) locusts which eat things? But it's unclear if they're eating humans or just stadiums. Then there's something about spheres similar to the one that landed in Central Park (but the Americans were only cool enough to exactly track the one that went into Central Park) acting as some kind of arcs to take the other species away. Even the people making the movie didn't take these things seriously enough to explain them with throwaway bullshit.
There are some good supporting actors here. John Cleese plays the character probably most similar to his counterpart in the other film. Jennifer Connelly does fine, because she knows how to read; but her character is completely different. Leaving aside the whole thing about them shutting down the highway so she could get to the airport (way to keep a low profile, guys), she's some sort of xenobiologist but she obviously has no idea what she's talking about when she's asked. Kathy Bates plays the Defense Secretary (see? we live in a progressive world) who ends up opposed to the violence. All it takes is for humans (i.e. Americans) to be shown the mortality of their species. And then there's poor, poor John Hamm who floats in and out of the story like what's-his-face McFly. (There may have been some explanation to how he came back in; but neither of us caught that part of the movie... and usually between the two of us we consume 100% of even the dumbest movies).
AND we get to listen to Will Smith's kid! Holy shit, Will Smith has a kid! And he acts! And he's cute! And he's a curmudgeon! But he's still cute!
They should have made "Bill and Ted 3," in which Keanu Reeves goes back to the early 90s ans surgically sterilizes Will Smith. That would have been considerably more entertaining, even in its shittiest form.