Nude on the Moon (1961)
Written by You don't care
Directed by Some dude, and also some woman who apparently made a name for herself with boobie movies
Starring People who at best had this as the last entry in their filmography and at worst had this as the only entry in their filmography. Also Margaret, who forgot her bikini and had to tuck the top of her one-piece into the bottom.
Synopsis In order to realize that the tits he wants to feel were literally three feet away from him for the past five years, this dude ("the brightest rocket scientist in the world," or not) has to share a hallucination with another dude in which he goes to the moon and sees a bunch of tits.
um this movie was pretty reminiscent of a mst300 movie. it made me miss that show terribly. these dudes, i mean scientists, in their long johns and tinfoil space suits, were pretty awesome. they go to this place. could be the moon, could be some asteroid with grass and trees (they fell asleep right before their ship landed automagically) and it is filled with topless, pinking sheared bikini bottomed women. sexy right? no. they don't do anything but laze around, throw a ball back and forth, point at things, and wear headbands with sparkly pipe cleaners attached as antennae. really boring. a bad commercial for a semi-nudist colony. and then that's it. the end. no body believed they went to the moon in their state of the art rocket clay mold. the whole time they were observing this fascinating moon culture, they were making all these smarmy comments too. i stopped paying attention. it was funny, but i wouldn't recommend anyone watch it or anything. that might be too bold a move.
i am of a firm belief that the person who made this movie held a position as a film strip director for a day job, and stole the sound track from the stock music recordings.
Hey, look at that hot MOster. I'd really like to use him as an inanimate piece of sexual-gratification furniture.
It should go without saying that I put this on the queue. I don't remember the history or reasoning.
We did laugh a lot while we watched this. I think I actually got the story pretty well in the synopsis; the entire thing was just ridiculous, even for 1961. My favorite part of the story was that their round trip journey to the moon was four days in duration, but there were many other gems, such as
(Upon exiting their spacecraft in open-bottomed helmets and stepping into a grassy forest) "Perhaps this is one section of the moon which has never been seen." and "We appear to be at the bottom of a large crater."
(Discussing the ship, before they leave) "That should be exoliated (sic) by the material of the hull."
(While exploring the surface of the moon) "I'm getting responses from the meter."
(Before leaving with little more than some gold (!) rocks and a bunch of photos of titties) "Well, we've gotten some highly useful data, Jeff.
My favorite part of the movie was the professor. From his painted-silver hair to his voice, the guy was an utter charm to behold. He also doubled as the ground controller; but you couldn't be sure because the dubbing was so bad.
A close second is the costuming of the nude (i.e. topless) moon women: Because it's the moon they don't speak, so they're telepathic. The organ used for that telepathy is a set of antennae, which consists of pipe cleaners attached to headbands, and each actor got to squiggle their pipe cleaners personally. But when they filmed these "sequences," the actors had no idea what would be dubbed in, so their head nodding and shaking and shrugging bears no connection to what's on the soundtrack. Listening to the queen (aka the scientist's secretary) give them orders and have them move their head in entirely the wrong direction was fun.
Don't just watch this movie for the honkers, which first appear at 31:20. Watch it for the music, which is uniformly awesome.