Appaloosa

Appaloosa (2008)
Written by Ed Harris, Robert Knott, Robert B. Parker (book)
Directed by Ed Harris
Starring* Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Jeremy Irons, Renee F. Zellwegger

Synopsis
sheriff gets killed hardcore ed harris and way hardcore complete with super cool stache and beard viggo ride in to take control of the situation. super annoying chick shows up. super annoying chick gets herself involved in things. LANCE HENRIKSEN!

MOster
This was unterrible-to-good.  The first hour of the story was a mirror of "Tombstone," down to that 'I'll turn your head into a canoe' scene.  I can't find the similar scene from this movie or I would have embedded both of them.  The plot did diverge after that hour; but it didn't turn into anything particularly flantastic.  There was a lot of

"I have to pee."
"Do you want me to pause it?"
"Nope."
...
(All In The Family sound effect)
...
"They took the train?"
"Yup."

The last 15 minutes or so played out a little outside of what you might expect, but that ended up making me even less satisfied.  The characters were fairly archetypical, with a little bit of differentiation (but not for the better, either to the movie or the character) in Harris's Virgil.  Viggo's Everett was pretty badass right down to his facial hair, but that was also to be expected.  Harris may be vindicated in that this story was taken from a book.  But then again, he may not.


Acting was generally fine, though they miscast Zellwegger as Mrs. French. I think that was just a bad choice.  The lack of innovation in the script did not inspire any innovation in the acting, but everybody knew their lines and hit their marks.  Jeremy Irons was a western accent away far from that Rickman Dude's brother.  Viggo was Aragorn with a different set of ethics.  Wormtail wasn't Wormtail, but big deal.  Other supporters supported.

Unfortunately, the far-above-average direction couldn't push this over the line.  From the first shot it was clear that somebody somewhere thought about where to put the camera.  There were lots of great big and little pieces here, from the camera moving with the horses, to opening up to catch a vista, to finding the right light in dark places.  One particular scene had a really cool setup of Aarathorn, Pollock, and  Jones.  The other elements of the production came close to meeting (but did not exceed) Harris's work.

Watch this one if you want.  Now that you've read this you should know how to set your expectations.

Oh, yeah:  You get to see Nurse Betty's ass (and possibly unmemorable side boob), but it might be a double.

*The "F" stands for Fucking.

The Woman
really good cinematography, really wishy washy story. i was expecting hardcore old skool western, like "once upon a time in the west", but unfortunately i ended up with weird wussy love story with a boss looking viggo and a few good lines of dialog. renee "bones with blonde hair" zellwegger was extremely hard to take. part of it was purposeful, mostly it was just her. her squinty eyes and weak appearance really irritate me. i didn't understand the drive behind most of the characters. why was simon gruber such a bad guy? was he a bad guy? why is ed harris interested in that super annoying femur? why is he forgiving her when he is supposed to be so hardcore? why won't moster grow facial hair as seen on viggo mortensen? viggo, i think, is the only character that had a view point, stuck to it, and saved everybody in the end of the movie. is that why? why the boss facial hair? did the sweet stache and magic beard give him the power to be all he could be? moster, i think this will give you super powers. you should do it.

i think reading what we have written is more entertaining than watching this movie....but that just might be me laughing at my own jokes.