Salt

Salt (2010)

Writer: Kurt Wimmer
Director: Phillip Noyce
Starring: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber

Synopsis
a CIA agent lady spy chick is accused of being a russian spy so she does things spy-like to get her out of the situation, and then things crash and explode and twists.

The Woman
this was your pretty standard jolie action spy movie. it wasn't appallingly bad to me. maybe i'm just in a good mood today or something because i didn't hate it. i can see the bad and stupid things i just looked past them. it's just a stupid hollywood big budget movie, and today, i'm ok with that. it did have liev schreiber in it, and i like to watch me some of him. he has the best nose ever. so...yup. check that one off the list.

Easy A

Easy A (2010)

Writer: Bert V. Royal
Director: Will Gluck
Starring: Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes

Synopsis
a highschool chick lies and tells her friend she lost her virginity because she didn't want to hang out with her over a weekend. it's overheard by the school's jesus freak and soon the whole school thinks she's a whore. so she goes with it.

The Woman
despite it's lack of credibility and the complete predictability, i liked this movie. i thought the humor was witty and fresh. this is just the sort of chick teen movie that i used to love to go see. ahhh the age of the teen comedy movies. this fits perfectly into that notch. it's not too different from any of those except it's sense of humor. that's pretty much all i have to say about this one.

The Flag of Iron

The Flag of Iron (1980)
Written by Cheh Chang, Kuang Ni
Directed by Cheh Chang
Produced by The Shaw Brothers
Starring Philip Kwok, Tien Hsiang Lung, Feng Lu, Sheng Chiang, Li Wang, Tai-Ping Yu

Synopsis
After a fight in which their chief is literally stabbed in the back, the Iron Flag Clan elects a new chief.  Because of that fight, one of the senior members must go on the lam.  During his time in exile, he learns that things were not what they seemed when he left.  He returns to do some more fighting.

MOster
This was considerably more entertaining than the last Shaw Brothers picture I watched.  It also makes me that much more annoyed by Tony Jaa.

The acting was generally not bad and the direction was about even for the era.  The story was reasonably decent; and I didn't think I had figured out the whole thing until about the 60-minute mark... but even then there were some little twists up to the finish line.  I could also see some things here which directly influenced Kill Bill and that's cool because it allows me to feel good about my fandom for Tarantino: His is the far superior story.

But the various styles of kung fu on display were definitely a cut above the 80s-era martial arts fare which has been exhibited on our television recently (maybe even going back to 37 Chambers....)  There were some really cool weapons and techniques; and the fights themselves--both choreography and execution--were a lot of fun.  There's far less repetition in the style and movement than some of the other Shaw movies.  Also, either the Shaw Brothers have the greatest film vault in the world or this movie underwent a SERIOUS restoration effort.

So, a better-than-average Shaw kung fu movie.  Do with that what you will.

Hard Gun

Hard Gun (1996)
Written by Nueng Nuengnued
Directed by Prapon Petchinn, Panna Rittikrai
Starring Jai Janmulltree, Panna Rittikrai and Thunyaluk Rarchatha

Synopsis
Cop kills a bad guy whose friends seek revenge against cop's family.  Apparently something similar happened to cop's cop father with a hostage situation where cop's mother (cop's cop father's wife) was the hostage.  I should get a gold star for figuring that much out.

MOster
This was just bad.  The story was actually cohesive, but it was convoluted for the sake of adding runtime. It's almost like they decided to make a mid-level martial arts film but not even the executive producers knew how much money that would take so they tacked on a bunch of go-nowhere subplots which ALSO SHOULD HAVE HAD FIGHT SCENES.

I don't know if it was supposed to be an exhibition for the Mui Thai (or whatever); or if it was supposed to be a humorous take on the genre.  One scene in particular has to be just too far over anybody's top to not come with a box of salt.  They re-dubbed the dialog for some reason, and it might have been to put wackier voices on people; because they dubbed Thai over Thai.  And they did it poorly enough that I could tell.  They also issued this on Blu-Ray when VHS-C in EP mode would have sufficed.

Good job, Netflix, for getting the runtime wrong.  it wasn't 92 minutes; it was 82 minutes.  I watched all 82 for about 12 minutes of martial arts.  I watched about 12 minutes of martial arts for about 30 seconds of interesting martial arts.  I've seen some excellent Thai movies, but more people are likely to consume dreck like this than interesting material.  This doesn't cast Asian actors in a bad light. It casts Asian filmmakers in a bad light.  It's almost like the people who made The Slanted Screen did so with these people in mind. 

Marwencol

Marwencol (2010)
Directed by Jeff Malmberg
Starring Mark Hogancamp

Synopsis
a guy who was severely beaten and left brain damaged creates his own town full of action figures and barbies to therapeutically work his way through his trauma. he has created this alternate world with a long ongoing story which he documents in photographs. most of the people in his town (marwencol) are based on real people in his life, but the story is mostly fictional. this is a horrible synopsis of this fantastic documentary.

MOster
This is yet another documentary which has it all.  Completely different yet equally as good as Exit Through The Gift Shop, this film gives us a great presentation of extremely interesting subject matter.  It has a satisfying conclusion; and I wouldn't mind a follow-up.

The biggest achievement of this documentary as a film is its pacing and planning.  Information is doled out in such a way as to not overload the viewer; and that's no mean feat given that the reason for this whole thing is an extremely brutal assault.  At the end of the 82 minute span we (are led to believe we) understand each facet of the story, from before the beating until slightly after a show at a gallery in New York.

Using a combination of simple shots of Hogancamp's photos and some outside views of the setups, Malmberg brings us into the 1/6th scale world as well as the thought process.  He does a fantastic job of making Hogancamp the star of the movie.  There's no question that this is his art and even though we're looking through a lens we know that Mark is the one who's telling us about it.  Interviews with his various subjects give us a great second-person view into him as a person.

This wouldn't be complete without a discussion of the art itself, which is truly stunning.  I don't want to sit here and recap the movie--that would be a disservice to all involved but mostly to you, our intrepid dozen readers--but the fact that the work was made on such a small amount of money and in such a small amount of space is phenomenal.  The fact that it didn't come from a perspective of making Art but a therapeutic need to rebuild imagination is critical to its success.  We looked at each other around the hour mark and said practically simultaneously that what's so awesome about the art is that it's genuine.  There is no pretense, no tongues in any cheeks, no irony.  And I want to see more of it.

This gets the third unironic five-star rating since the blog began.  Unequivocally.

The Woman
absolutely fantastic! i love a story about art that is true and genuine, and made not for the sake of art, but just happens to cross paths with the terrible monster of the art world. it's really a terrible thing that this man, mark hogencamp, was beaten so severely, but there are some really positive things that have come with it.  i know that's a horrible thing to say because he is still struggling mentally and physically, but what he has created is so fantastic! the level of detail he takes, walking his model jeep to town and back everyday so the tires look worn, the guns, the items in every characters possession, the buildings. i'm a detail oriented person so i find this stuff amazing. and the beautiful photographs that come out of this...they look like photojournalism at it's best. the fact that he gets a static action figure with the same plastic face to emote....crazy good.

the documentary itself is mostly just mark hogencamp narrating the story of marwencol interspersed with the facts of his attack, what his day to day life is, and how he was "discovered". there are also interviews with some of the real people who have characters based on them in marwencol, their take on what he's doing, and their character's story. this is a wonderful documentary. i would recommend this to anyone. it doesn't make you mad, or drive you crazy, or enlighten you to gross and terrible facts about industries. it's just a story of a man's story and it gives you a wonderful glimpse into marwencol and mark hogencamp.

Mystery Team

Mystery Team (2009)
Written by Donald Glover, Who, The Fuck, Will Remember, These People, Anyway
Directed by Will Remember
Starring Donald Glover, Who, The Fuck

Synopsis
These three super-dorky high school kids go from harassing the same lunch-money-stealing bully to (spoiler alert) solving a murder.  There are jinks.

The Woman
mildly funny in an incredibly stupid way. moster snorted and giggled more than once. that should tell you something. however, let me just stress just how incredibly stupid this was. the humor was really juvenile and the plot was really uninventive. a horse with a carrot dangled in front of his face, if you will. this is not a must see by any means, but we've watched it so it's checked off of our queue.

MOster
Maybe my shit at the top isn't quite fair, but that's OK.  I chose this movie over another (similar, by its cover) comedy on the instant queue because I thought it would be funnier than that other title.  I said, "If nothing else it'll be worth an hour and a half to watch Donald Glover do slapstick." Unfortunately there's little slapstick in his performance and I'm quite disappointed to say that all of the mugging he does on Community is identical to the mugging he performs in this movie.  However, on Community he displays a much wider range of acting.  This only proves that, yes, writers and directors are important to a production.

Writing. Yes. The synopsis is short because if you can't figure out the outline from that sentence you can't figure out what the fuck a sentence is.  There is comedy. Some of that comedy is of the short-form variety; and some of that comedy actually takes a while to pay off after it's set up.  One particular running gag had a lot of potential, but its execution tapped that potential on the range of 5% to 45%.  I chuckled occasionally.  I don't remember it getting any more enthusiastic than that.


But, you could do worse.  This could be that fucking Rainn Wilson movie about the naked drummer, or that knockoff of a halfway-decent Mel Brooks TV show, or any number of other things which I've lost interest in looking up.


Never mind; the shit at the top is fair.  You will not gain anything by watching this movie.

Sex and the City 2

Sex and the City 2 (2010)


Writer: Michael Patrick King
Director: Michael Patrick King
Starring: you know

Synopsis
those zany new york city women are back for another installment of how can we fuck up what was a good show

The Woman
i don't get it. i knew this was going to be bad. i had been forewarned. i just don't get how a show that was good could go so sour on a movie budget. it was a half hour show. why feel the need to have not only one movie, but two movies that are 2 1/2 hours long! the short format worked much better prooved by the first trainwreck of a movie, but then, because it made more than $1.50 at the box office we have to drag those characters back out and run them over with a train that's exploding one more time. i hope there's not another one in the works. i hope the ladies egos are too great and their feuds are to deep for them to get together yet again.

the shows end was good. it should have been left right where it is. once you have a happy ending where all the characters are happy and life is good you can't comeback for a mind blowing story. there's no drama. their stories are done. their troubles and strife of being single in the city are over. let the dead lay. jeebus. this was like some one had a bunch of money and just blew their wad all over pointless, meaningless scenes (i.e. the "gay wedding" w/ liza minelli) i think the outrageous excess of abu dhabi is in direct correlation of the movie. excess for the sake of excess.

this movie should have been four 1/2 hour vignettes by four different writers and directors. then maybe the triteness wouldn't have come off so trite because there would be competition between creativity.

p.s. the strife of the stay at home mother subplot when said stay at home mothers have full time nannies.....FUCK YOU! i watched this pile of garbage with my 2 year old at my side because the hour i get to myself had been interrupted when he fell out of bed after only a 1/2 hour and with all the interruptions of a 2 year old having to tinkle, and needing some stories, and stealing my lunch after i fed him his, and reading to him for an hour to try to get him back to sleep, and yelling at him for harassing the dog, and yelling at him for punching me, and him yelling at me because he wants to go out and play in the rain, and tantrums...it took me 4 hours to complete this movie. thanks to michael patrick king for making it soooo worthwhile. i did finish it though and that is entirely my fault.