Role Models

Role Models (2008)

Director: David Wain
Writer: Paul Rudd, David Wain, Ken Marino, Timothy Dowling
Starring: Paul Rudd, Sean William Scott, mclovin, Bobb-e J. Thompson

Synopsis
two guys, to avoid going to prison, join "sturdy wings" aka big brother. one's a l.a.r.p.er  and one's a lil' gangsta. funny things.



MOster
I don't have very much to say about this one.  Despite the plethora of screenwriting credits, it wasn't nearly as retarded as I expected it to be.  It's disappointing to see that most of the actors (Jane Lynch in particular) appear to have relaxed into the rut of typecasting, but their reliability in the assigned roles allowed them to take this B (school grade, not "B movie" grade) material and keep it exactly at that level.

There could have been more bare tits, though.

The Woman
we laughed a lot so i would say we liked it. we're in the midst of watching the state and it's good to see careers have blossomed, i guess. it's pretty much the same humor as anything those 40 year old virgin dudes do in all their movies, but at least it's new situations and not the same jokes every time. it kind of reminds me of a bunch of guys sitting around playing playstation just conversating. mclovin was pretty damn awesome as the larper. i watched that documentary "monster camp" about larpers and they seemed to nail it. also, as a side note, they made fun of it respectably....i think. i'm not a larper so i don't know how sensitive they are about their ridiculousness, but it seems to me, in this movie, they didn't harsh their gig too bad, and yet it was still funny.

Fanboys

Fanboys (2008)
Written by (movie) Ernest Cline, Adam F. Goldberg (story) Ernest Cline, Dan Pulick, millions of disillusioned 30-odd-year-olds
Directed by Kyle Newman
Starring Sam Huntington, Chris Marquette, Dan Fogler, Jay Baruchel, Kristen Bell, Seth Rogen, Seth Rogen

Synopsis
 before the biggest upset of all time (to star wars fans), friends go on a journey to skywalker ranch to break in and see episode 1 before one of them dies of some sort of terminal cancer. hijinks.
MOster
This movie plays as a series of funny bits--most of which were in the trailer--connected by a series of unfunny bits.  This could be said of the majority of comedies, but the ratio was off.  It didn't live up to its potential (or my expectations), but that gap might have been too much to overcome.

The premise is definitely rife with opportunity.  95%+ of the people who watched Ode to a Farting Dinosaur My Daughter Found In Her Armpit One Midsummer Morning had similar buildup experiences even if their misadventures weren't quite so extreme.  And at an outline level it still comes through as having a good place to go.  The characters weren't caricatures or archetypes or parodies; I'm sure there are plenty of similar people around. (For the record, I wasn't nearly as crazy as even the Kristen Bell character and I was the worst of my particular circle).

There wasn't too much to this from a technical standpoint.  Things were all shot well and people were told to do things the right way.  What little action and "wonder" scenes there were came across the screen well, and the close-quarters stuff (i.e. parties and vans and the like) felt like what I remember from being a social MOster. The bit about Paramount not letting them use their IP was played well into poorly-made Trek paraphernalia knockoffs.

There was a real plot to this movie, and each of the characters (down to the Klingon guy who guards the inside man source) was unique and reasonably well-played by his or her proxy.  MAYBE Seth Rogen was a little too over the top, but only a little.  The subplot about the cancer was as good a motivation as any and the entire experience was almost as full of cameos as it was full of sorrow for what we knew the people were going to have to handle.

There was nothing technically wrong with this movie.  What it boils down to is that it just wasn't funny enough. 

The Woman
this was kind of a disappointment. much like the experience of episode 1 itself. i enjoyed all the walk-ons, but it didn't redeem the not funny of this movie. some bits were funny, but they were few and far between. being a trek and star wars dork myself, i know how much material there is to work with. this did not scratch the dorkdom funny surface. that all said i think the end of it was perfect. in fact, i may go as far as it was better than the movie. not the sappy reflection part. the actual end.   

Ong Bak 2: The Beginning

Ong Bak II: The Beginning
Written By Panna Rittikrai
Directed By Panna Rittikrai, Tony Jaa
Starring Tony Jaa, Sarunyu Wongkrachang,Natdanai Kongthong,Primorata Dejudom,Sorapong Chatree


Synopsis
In the 15th century, there are a lot of shitty people in Thailand and a lot of other people who are just trying to get by.  Young Tien has a very high midichlorian count which causes him to be shepherded from his first clan (?) just before another clan comes and wipes it out.  Captured and enslaved, he uses the force to escape and ends up with someone who recognizes his raw talent.  It's here that he enters the Jedi Academy and learns all about various fighting and weapon styles.  Luckily, he didn't have to eliminate all emotional attachments, so before he accepts the crown as king he gets to go and take care of the clan that originally killed his family and friends.  There's also a girl.


The Woman
um, i wasn't really paying attention to this very much. i slept through the first one the first time i saw it and thought i didn't want to break tradition. so yeah. tony jaa is really good at muy tai or whatever you call it. he would have kicked jcvd's ass in "bloodsport". this one was not as good as the first one. this was an entirely different movie and should have had the respect for ong bak to be called something different. the throw away line at the end by the narrator to connect the two movies was not quite enough for me. it didn't send me into a tirade like my companion, but i think that may be because i don't care. i'm glad this is off of the list.

MOster
This was disappointing to me.  A lot of things happened, but I think it's charitable to call it much of a "plot," because outside of the fighting the main character had nothing to do with what was going on.  He was always being chased or kicking ass (or sometimes being schooled); but with the exception of one time he acted on the direction of others, and even in that last scene sinisterness outside of him led to his actions.


Where the original Ong Bak was innovative and interesting, this movie felt stock.  It wasn't really derivative of the first film because it didn't use the tricks which that one (largely successfully) employed. Instead it was much more standard martial arts action type stuff.  The settings were really cool and the production value was high for something like this (hence the plethora of trailers and logos in front of the film), but the camera itself didn't do too much and the director really just let people yell at each other.


The martial arts exhibition was also weak.  Again referencing the first one, this was a showcase of Jaa's talents; but it was too fractured to let anything really big happen.  There were some great pieces and what he did was impressive enough but the fights didn't keep my eyes glued to the screen in the same way.  The experience would have been served by more of less.


And the tie-in?  The connection to the first movie?  Tenuous is a generous description.

Bitch Slap

Bitch Slap (2009)
Written by Eric Gruendemann, Rick Jacobson
Directed by Rick Jacobson
Starring Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, America Olivo, Zoe Bell (but not exactly) and dr. lee from general hospital

Synopsis
three women criminals are looking for some sort of treasure in the middle of nowhere. fake boobs, cat fights, short skirts, and salty language.

MOster
There was entertainment here, and plenty of it.  It extended well beyond the jiggly honkers, which is good because those were covered most of the time.  This was definitely supposed to play as a satire of chicksploitation movies and in that vein it succeeded admirably.

It's clear from frame one that nobody in front of the camera has ever--or will ever--sit on a stage with James Lipton.

The stunts were supposed to be outrageous and they were.  (Six cheers for Zoe Bell!) The language was supposed to be, "Ooh.  Those girls have dirty mouths," and they did.  I think the plot was supposed to be nonsensical, but even if it wasn't it was.

Action was shot on one location and in front of one green screen.  Again it showed.  Again it was supposed to.  The sex was actually hotter than one might expect given the amount of clothing involved.

This movie is like a pair of fake boobies.  Fun to look at, occasionally fun to bounce around, but you just can't sink your teeth into 'em the same way.

The Woman
i don't know. i think i enjoyed this. it was on that snakes on a plane line. it might have not achieved awesomness because it was trying a little too hard. i will say that i am dorky enough to have noticed that both xena and her sidekick, and hercules and his sidekick were all bit parts, and that knowledge entertained me. i can't figure out what audience this was made for. dave tonucci? i'm just kidding. it seemed geared towards men, with all the lesbian big boobed barbie action and cat fighting, but there was no real skin. too much language for a sy-fy original, and yet not enough umph to make it outrageous enough to not be confused with a sy-fy original. i would totally recommend to dorky dorks, i'm not naming names...wait i may have already, sorry again tonucci, but it may please the court that you are not the only name on the list in my brain. you guys know who you are (plus i consider myself one among the ranks). i think you may sort of enjoy this, maybe. don't blame me if you don't. like i said i'm not sure how i feel about this. how about this pitch: if you like boobs and saturday night sy- fy premiers then you'll probably dig this movie. yeah. that's what i meant. well put.

Beat The Devil

Beat the Devil (1953)
Directed by John Huston
Written by James Helvick (book), Truman Capote
Starring Humphrey Bogart, Jennifer Jones, Gina Lollabrigida, Robert Morley, Peter Lorre

Synopsis
Humphrey Bogart plays a top-notch (but down-on-his-luck) con man.  Two different groups of people want the same thing from him, and some other individual people want some other things from him.  There are also some boat rides and a love rectangle.

The Woman
this was not great. at all. didn't like it. couldn't follow it. didn't care to understand what the heck was going on. humphrey bogart played his usual sarcastic self, with his one liners, and that usually works for me, but crap, this was boooooring.

MOster
I thought this was entertaining.  Bogart is an attractive man, and neither of the women was tough on the eyes, either.  This is a classic notion, one dude playing a bunch of parties against each other and for himself, and unlike a lot of the "classics" we watch around here I don't think this is one of those things which was much newer in 1950.  Capote really fills in the little spaces with humor, including a drunk ship's captain and some nifty little puns.  And the rest of the acting is on par for the era.

Our Truman is no enemy of the bon mot or cute notion, but the important elements of the plot were needlessly obfuscated.  If this was an attempt to show the complexity of the situation that Bogey was managing, it fell flat.  Also, I know it was 1950 but I think we're expected to believe that people who have not only just met but who haven't shared even an on-screen peck to have fucked. This caused more than one double-take on our couch.

But while the experience was entertaining, the execution could have been enhanced. I'm on the bubble between 2 and 3 here, which means that Leila's 2 will win.

The Omega Man

The Omega Man (1971)
Written by John William Corrington, Joye Hooper Corrington, Richard Matheson (book)
Directed by Boris Sagal
Starring Charlton Heston, Anthony Zerbe, Rosalind Cash and her boobies

Synopsis
some sort of biotoxin released by those damn russians, has wiped out the human race, sort of. there are now religious fanatic blind albinos running around trying to kill charlton heston, the only person to have successfully vaccinated himself against the deadly russian flu.
MOster
This was an interesting experience for me, similar (but not the same as) The Men Who Stare at Goats, the script was the weakest part.  Not having read the book, I can't discuss the "trueness" of the adaptation; but while the story was good at a high level and being a sucker for a down-ending I liked the conclusion very much, many of the details were silly.  The introduction of the other survivors seems to imply more than just a half-dozen and I would think that an officer in whatever service would have spent some time trying to look for communications from others.  Also, the details of where and when the surviving humans (as differentiated from the uninfected humans) can be out are oddly inconsistent and the fact that they have such a hierarchical society implies that a much longer period of time has passed than is conveyed by other places in the story.


Coming up the scale is the acting.  Heston is a pretty bad ass, and even the weird zombie guys are just the right level of over-the-top.  The other regular humans are good enough, as well.  Where the movie starts to get actually interesting, though, is in the direction and camera work.  Establishing shots are cool, and there's one in particular which starts really close to good ol' Charlton and pulls waaaay back to the LA skyline.  As we continue into the action stuff, things brighten further.  Most of the setpieces vary tonally but remain consistent.  The first, for example, really felt like a West Side Story type dance-fight.  What really brought that feeling through in all the action scenes as well as in the general background was the music.  About halfway through watching I was impressed enough to look up the composer, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that he also wrote the Doctor Who theme song which has had the same melody for over forty years.  The music really did it for me more than anything else.

The philosophical question of which group of humans has claim to the planet is an interesting one.  The "neo-humans'" super-Luddite position is a sensible reaction to the "classic humans'" technology-based downfall; and the idea that they should be cured or destroyed rather than embraced is a real counterpoint.  However the story doesn't really present a good forum for this discussion.  I'd like to believe that this is a big part of the book, but maybe it's just the jumping-off point for a better one (or a better movie).  It's tough to recommend this as a story, but maybe if you ignore the dialog it would improve your experience.

The Woman
shme. this was a little closer to the short story "i am legend" than the recent will smith release. neville is actually played by someone who could be conceived as a 6' german, and he was, in fact, located in the western coastal city known as los angeles. but that is where the similarities end. they sort of took it in a religious direction as opposed to an evolutionary scientific direction that is in the book. at least it is called "the omega man" and not "i am legend" separating itself respectfully from the source material. unlike will smith and his band of hollywood bastardizers.

 i think it's funny that the woman was a militant black lady who was offended by the verb "spooked" and yet once someone got sick they turned albino. even their eyes turned white. i also think there was too many bad jokes that charlton heston made to himself about being the last person alive in a city. too many hokey talking to corpses jokingly, traffic jokes, standing in line jokes. he was very amused by himself but he came off like the punny guy you smile at because you're too polite to tell him he's not funny...at all.

i think the jesusianess got a little overbearing towards the end as well. the on the cross pose at the end was as subtle as being slapped in the face with a fish.

Discworld: Soul Music

S

Soul Music (1997)
Written by Terry Pratchett, adapted by somebody else
Directed by Jean Flynn
Starring Christopher Lee, Debar Gilett, Andy Hockley

Synopsis
Death takes a holiday, and his adoptive granddaughter has to take over his duties.  Simultaneously, this dude swears that he'll be the most famous musician in all the world at exactly the wrong time, which causes music as an entity to take over his life when he should have died.  Therefore, the two plots intersect.

MOster (only; you're welcome, Woman.)
Beginning with the way this was presented on DVD (as individual episodes, with no play-all, and no automatic skipping to the next episode's menu upon completion of the previous one), this whole thing was another big disappointment.  The animation was better than the last one, but that's about it.  The adaptation took an interesting pair of stories and watered them down to lamenes.  There was a needlessly over-the-top gay guy and some other stereotypes thrown in for good measure.  The book has jokes that take tens--if not hundreds--of pages to set up and here they're done within the space of a single scene.  Some of that could be due to the episodic nature in which it was created but that's not a very good excuse.  A few of the cool elements of the book came through, most notably the Librarian and the raven, but in general this was another waste of time.

Don't watch this if you liked the book.  Absolutely don't watch this if you've never read the book because it will turn you off from Pratchett; and that would be a terrible shame.