Black Dynamite (2009)
Written by Michael Jai White, Byron Minns, Scott Sanders
Directed by Scott Sanders
Starring Michael Jai White, Obba Babatunde, Tommy Davidson, numerous B and C list black actors. Oh, and Captain Kangaroo Pimp
Synopsis
When he's not satisfying multiple bitches simultaneously, Black Dynamite saves his community from drugs sold by his own people as well as a nefarious plot by outside elements.
Woman
totally awesome. it was waaaaayyy subtler than i expected it to be. not being a blaxploitation expert (i think my roster only includes mahogany, and coffee and a black militant gang in switchblade sisters) i think with a few edits here and there it could pass for real. i laughed out loud several times, and the names of the characters were almost the best part i.e. cream corn, nefarious dr. wu, and my personal favorite, captain kangaroo pimp. although totally different it made me crave pootie tang. heyyyy pootie!
MOster
This was a good time. It was smart satire; it didn't delve into the depths of idiocy occupied by those responsible for the likes of Dance Movie. (i.e. it was actual satire.) It was evident that everybody involved in making this was having a blast.
What the filmmakers did so well was to start with a respect and love for their source material and develop that into something with just the right level of send-up. The film looked and felt like a blaxploitation piece but it was evident that the black people were in charge. From the brown color palette through the shag carpets, beaded curtains, and gigantic afros little on the surface betrays the notion that this isn't actually a movie from that time. The car chases and other action pieces were just over the top enough. Good choices begat good choices.
Acting was right there with everything else, with White giving us a perfect Dynamite. His line-reads when he chides his aunt for interrupting his kung fu are exactly what you'd want to see, and that scene is just one example of where the producers could have taken things to the stupid place but didn't. While the female characters weren't treated much better than they were in the source material the female actors sold their parts with just enough of a wink that we knew it was all OK.
By no means was this high art; but it was art, and I think it would have stirred some shit if it had been made 25 years ago. You should totally watch this movie.
Monday, August 30, 2010
B
Audition
Audition (1999) [Photo not included due to spoiler.]
Directed by Takashi Miike
Written by Daisuke Tengan, Ryu Murakami (book)
Starring Ryo Ishibashi, Ehi Shiina, Tetsu Sawaki
Synopsis
seven years after his wife dies, a man decides to start looking for another wife. his friend, who is in television, comes up with the smarmy idea of creating a fake movie for women to audition for. enter chicky poo who seemingly is the perfect match. da, da, DA!
MOster
I don't envy my woman writing the synopsis on this one because it's hard to know what to say without giving important things away. And with that in mind if you do choose to watch this move I advise you to skip the director's and star's introductions because they were the worst part of this experience for me.
The ascent to the precipice is barely noticeable at first but the path becomes more difficult to climb at exactly the right time. To the last frame it was difficult to predict what would come next. It was also difficult to process what had just occured. Dark production and skillful yet unpretentious cameras helped the actors to bring their characters to life. Facial expressions conveyed volumes.
This movie is not easy to watch, so if you're faint of heart I advise you to steer clear. But if you think you can handle it then you should.
Woman
this movie was very subtly disturbing. there was not much gore, but fucked up situations, and sound effects were pretty skin crawling. and the way the torture goes down is done really well. the way the actress speaks, and what is done....gagagaga. my muscles twitch just thinking about it. the best part about this movie to me is the simple fact that there is really no motive behind what this chick does. she just crazy. the guy, despite going about it in a sketchy way had good intentions toward this girl.
the ending was a little hard to grasp because there were so many visions and hallucinations you couldn't tell what was real. like that kids in the hall sketch with the pear......but i think that was the point. and it all does makes sense at the end. it isn't just weird vision ending. good movie.
Directed by Takashi Miike
Written by Daisuke Tengan, Ryu Murakami (book)
Starring Ryo Ishibashi, Ehi Shiina, Tetsu Sawaki
Synopsis
seven years after his wife dies, a man decides to start looking for another wife. his friend, who is in television, comes up with the smarmy idea of creating a fake movie for women to audition for. enter chicky poo who seemingly is the perfect match. da, da, DA!
MOster
I don't envy my woman writing the synopsis on this one because it's hard to know what to say without giving important things away. And with that in mind if you do choose to watch this move I advise you to skip the director's and star's introductions because they were the worst part of this experience for me.
The ascent to the precipice is barely noticeable at first but the path becomes more difficult to climb at exactly the right time. To the last frame it was difficult to predict what would come next. It was also difficult to process what had just occured. Dark production and skillful yet unpretentious cameras helped the actors to bring their characters to life. Facial expressions conveyed volumes.
This movie is not easy to watch, so if you're faint of heart I advise you to steer clear. But if you think you can handle it then you should.
Woman
this movie was very subtly disturbing. there was not much gore, but fucked up situations, and sound effects were pretty skin crawling. and the way the torture goes down is done really well. the way the actress speaks, and what is done....gagagaga. my muscles twitch just thinking about it. the best part about this movie to me is the simple fact that there is really no motive behind what this chick does. she just crazy. the guy, despite going about it in a sketchy way had good intentions toward this girl.
the ending was a little hard to grasp because there were so many visions and hallucinations you couldn't tell what was real. like that kids in the hall sketch with the pear......but i think that was the point. and it all does makes sense at the end. it isn't just weird vision ending. good movie.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Body of Lies
Body of Lies (2008)
Written by William Monahan, David Ignatius (book)
Directed by Ridley Scott
Starring Leonardo DeCaprio, Russell Crowe, Archie from RocknRolla
Synopsis Up-and-coming Middle East field agent engages in various operations while supported / sabotaged by his handler. As he advances in The Agency he starts to run his own stuff and becomes friends with the head of Jordanian intelligence. There's a kind of a love interest and more shit happens. Then the movie ends.
The Woman
yeeeeaaah. i labored over putting this on the queue, and i specifically remember not putting it on intentionally and then something changed my mind. i wish that something never existed. this movie was stooooopid, convoluted, and uninteresting. my viewpoint is not surprising to me since that is how i've felt about every ridley scott movie since blade runner. why, oh why, did i put this on our queue. two hours of BOOM! gunshots! terrorist! boring plot! jeebus we have another hour!?! i think mr. scott may have a talent for making me not care about the characters he puts on screen. "gladiator" was one of the worst, uninspiring movies i've ever seen, and i will never understand the "best picture" it received. this was a close second. it's like you can feel the swollen ego of both crowe and scott oozing from the screen. leonardo dicaprio is a good actor. i've seen proof of this fact in other movies. in this, however, it was almost as bad as a huge budgeted cable access movie. i think everybody involved in this has, undeservedly, gotten a little too big for their britches and pooped out this movie. this could have easily been replaced with "kingdom of heaven" "black hawk down" or "gladiator" and i wouldn't have noticed a difference.
MOster
I took a ton of notes while we watched this and I don't really know why because it was pretty dumb. I was disappointed that (spoiler alert) nobody dies because the lame political points would have been stronger if there were some actual consequences.I suppose everything else seemed realistic enough but the story wasn't engaging on any level. Scott usually has a way of communicating an aesthetic point of view, but everything here muddies together. There are a few tricks which he uses once which shouldn't have been used at all (e.g. shakicam, staticy credits) but everything else is just flat. Other production elements are also flat and uninspiring.
Except for the acting, which inspired me to take a dump. Crowe is doing some sort of generic Texas affect thingy (because he's playing an American) but Leonardo appears to be channeling W. Each of their accents is coached well enough to not be an outright distraction, but only just, and when we get to the few scenes where the DiCaprio character is supposedly expressing personal (read: romantic) interest in the unattainable chick of the day it really feels like he's doing a broad-strokes impression, replete with sidelong glances and wide eyes.
This movie is over two hours long (as Leila says, "It's Ridley Scott. Of course it's two hours long!") and I think it was just as much of a waste as Lie with Me. At least there were blowjobs in that one.
BWritten by William Monahan, David Ignatius (book)
Directed by Ridley Scott
Starring Leonardo DeCaprio, Russell Crowe, Archie from RocknRolla
Synopsis Up-and-coming Middle East field agent engages in various operations while supported / sabotaged by his handler. As he advances in The Agency he starts to run his own stuff and becomes friends with the head of Jordanian intelligence. There's a kind of a love interest and more shit happens. Then the movie ends.
The Woman
yeeeeaaah. i labored over putting this on the queue, and i specifically remember not putting it on intentionally and then something changed my mind. i wish that something never existed. this movie was stooooopid, convoluted, and uninteresting. my viewpoint is not surprising to me since that is how i've felt about every ridley scott movie since blade runner. why, oh why, did i put this on our queue. two hours of BOOM! gunshots! terrorist! boring plot! jeebus we have another hour!?! i think mr. scott may have a talent for making me not care about the characters he puts on screen. "gladiator" was one of the worst, uninspiring movies i've ever seen, and i will never understand the "best picture" it received. this was a close second. it's like you can feel the swollen ego of both crowe and scott oozing from the screen. leonardo dicaprio is a good actor. i've seen proof of this fact in other movies. in this, however, it was almost as bad as a huge budgeted cable access movie. i think everybody involved in this has, undeservedly, gotten a little too big for their britches and pooped out this movie. this could have easily been replaced with "kingdom of heaven" "black hawk down" or "gladiator" and i wouldn't have noticed a difference.
MOster
I took a ton of notes while we watched this and I don't really know why because it was pretty dumb. I was disappointed that (spoiler alert) nobody dies because the lame political points would have been stronger if there were some actual consequences.I suppose everything else seemed realistic enough but the story wasn't engaging on any level. Scott usually has a way of communicating an aesthetic point of view, but everything here muddies together. There are a few tricks which he uses once which shouldn't have been used at all (e.g. shakicam, staticy credits) but everything else is just flat. Other production elements are also flat and uninspiring.
Except for the acting, which inspired me to take a dump. Crowe is doing some sort of generic Texas affect thingy (because he's playing an American) but Leonardo appears to be channeling W. Each of their accents is coached well enough to not be an outright distraction, but only just, and when we get to the few scenes where the DiCaprio character is supposedly expressing personal (read: romantic) interest in the unattainable chick of the day it really feels like he's doing a broad-strokes impression, replete with sidelong glances and wide eyes.
This movie is over two hours long (as Leila says, "It's Ridley Scott. Of course it's two hours long!") and I think it was just as much of a waste as Lie with Me. At least there were blowjobs in that one.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Lie with Me
Lie With Me (2005)
Directed by Clement Virgo (proudly)
Written by Clement Virgo, Tamara Berger (book and movie)
Starring Lauren Lee Smith, Eric Balfour
Synopsis
girl likes to have sex. girl likes to have sex with a particular dude. dude's father dies. girl can't handle his grief. girl leaves like the next day. they miss having sex together. they go crazy not having sex together. they have sex together.
MOster
I've decided to call it ironic rather than intentional that as the characters' relationship moves from casual to serious the sex on screen moves from hot to tepid in this needlessly pretentious pile of mid-core porn. Leila starts off as a free-spirit, fucking who and when she chooses and ends up devoted to David despite his skeeviness in both action and appearance. Each of them has a personal trial from which their sadness is understandable but for which the other is emotionally unavailable; and that's just one of the reasons why it's completely unbelievable that they would end up with such a strong desire to be together. They share maybe one scene which doesn't end with them fucking and we don't have enough background on the characters to believe that such a relationship would be enough to inspire such devotion. In fact, what little background we do see is antithetical to developing the kind of state of mind required.
There is no chemistry at all between them as characters or actors even though his dick is actually in her mouth something like every ten minutes (*my* Leila was timing it). They each play their roles as marionettes, animated by a wizard who hasn't worked out all the details of the spell just yet and very likely never will. The movie is full of things that are intended to make us believe that we're watching a true master at work. But we're watching the worst kind of un-self aware hackery. Ooh, did you see that handheld shot to see how nervous she is? Isn't it neat how the picture is grainier when the characters are in an unclear or seedy situation? Don't you agree that it's a beautiful shot of her bicycling down the street with her hair flowing? How risquee! That's some possibly-explicit oral sex. The answers are: Who cares? So? Not really; and Did you see The Brown Bunny? [Note: I'm not exactly endorsing that movie either.]
This movie started as a two and a half or so, slid down into the two range pretty quickly, and ended right on a 1 as I wished for nothing more than at least one of the leads to just fucking die.
The Woman
totally pointless movie. this chick acts like a whore and gets upset when the dude calls her on it. literally all they do is have sex. the minute they have a conversation things fall apart. she gets totally freaked out and leaves when dude's father dies because he's sad, and she gets upset that he can't understand the intense loss she's feeling because....wait for it... her parents are separating and selling their house. this is totally logical thinking. these two events are soooo similar and comparable. you would think that the whole point to the movie is that they don't really have a relationship at all, but it's not because after they "break up" for lack of a better word, they go crazy because neither of them can get off. so they, of course, go back to fucking one another in this intense, can't live with out each other, way.....at this point they should have just cut out each others tongues because obviously she's an ass, and he's just totally sketchy. did i mention the second after she left he started hooking up with his ex, that he made an ex because he just had to have sex with whorey asshole chick? yeah. they are totally star crossed lovers with a never ending relationship of love.
this movie was romantic comedy plot A, only there was no romance, and no comedy. it was just chock full o' penis and stupid.
p.s. eric balfour looks like a total sketch ball, and not in a good way, in a i'll steal your wallet for some heroin way, and i could have lived my entire life with out seeing his penis....20 skabillion times. i sort of felt like a doctor at life drawing class towards the end of the movie. completely desensitized to genitals.
LDirected by Clement Virgo (proudly)
Written by Clement Virgo, Tamara Berger (book and movie)
Starring Lauren Lee Smith, Eric Balfour
Synopsis
girl likes to have sex. girl likes to have sex with a particular dude. dude's father dies. girl can't handle his grief. girl leaves like the next day. they miss having sex together. they go crazy not having sex together. they have sex together.
MOster
I've decided to call it ironic rather than intentional that as the characters' relationship moves from casual to serious the sex on screen moves from hot to tepid in this needlessly pretentious pile of mid-core porn. Leila starts off as a free-spirit, fucking who and when she chooses and ends up devoted to David despite his skeeviness in both action and appearance. Each of them has a personal trial from which their sadness is understandable but for which the other is emotionally unavailable; and that's just one of the reasons why it's completely unbelievable that they would end up with such a strong desire to be together. They share maybe one scene which doesn't end with them fucking and we don't have enough background on the characters to believe that such a relationship would be enough to inspire such devotion. In fact, what little background we do see is antithetical to developing the kind of state of mind required.
There is no chemistry at all between them as characters or actors even though his dick is actually in her mouth something like every ten minutes (*my* Leila was timing it). They each play their roles as marionettes, animated by a wizard who hasn't worked out all the details of the spell just yet and very likely never will. The movie is full of things that are intended to make us believe that we're watching a true master at work. But we're watching the worst kind of un-self aware hackery. Ooh, did you see that handheld shot to see how nervous she is? Isn't it neat how the picture is grainier when the characters are in an unclear or seedy situation? Don't you agree that it's a beautiful shot of her bicycling down the street with her hair flowing? How risquee! That's some possibly-explicit oral sex. The answers are: Who cares? So? Not really; and Did you see The Brown Bunny? [Note: I'm not exactly endorsing that movie either.]
This movie started as a two and a half or so, slid down into the two range pretty quickly, and ended right on a 1 as I wished for nothing more than at least one of the leads to just fucking die.
The Woman
totally pointless movie. this chick acts like a whore and gets upset when the dude calls her on it. literally all they do is have sex. the minute they have a conversation things fall apart. she gets totally freaked out and leaves when dude's father dies because he's sad, and she gets upset that he can't understand the intense loss she's feeling because....wait for it... her parents are separating and selling their house. this is totally logical thinking. these two events are soooo similar and comparable. you would think that the whole point to the movie is that they don't really have a relationship at all, but it's not because after they "break up" for lack of a better word, they go crazy because neither of them can get off. so they, of course, go back to fucking one another in this intense, can't live with out each other, way.....at this point they should have just cut out each others tongues because obviously she's an ass, and he's just totally sketchy. did i mention the second after she left he started hooking up with his ex, that he made an ex because he just had to have sex with whorey asshole chick? yeah. they are totally star crossed lovers with a never ending relationship of love.
this movie was romantic comedy plot A, only there was no romance, and no comedy. it was just chock full o' penis and stupid.
p.s. eric balfour looks like a total sketch ball, and not in a good way, in a i'll steal your wallet for some heroin way, and i could have lived my entire life with out seeing his penis....20 skabillion times. i sort of felt like a doctor at life drawing class towards the end of the movie. completely desensitized to genitals.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Prodigal Sons
Prodigal Sons (2008)
Director: Kimberly Reed
Synopsis
a documentary about a trans-gendered woman going back home to montana for her high school reunion. though it becomes more about her accepting her past as a male, and her relationship with her older brother who has not really accepted her, who also, due to a severe head trauma, turns out to be mentally ill.
The Woman
i always hesitate watching documentaries (though i am kind of obsessed with them) because i know they are always never happy-go-lucky. this was no exception. it was good, and i really enjoyed taking the journey into this woman's life and familial relationships, but it was in no way happy. dealing with the mentally ill is never an enjoyable process and this portrayed it perfectly. as the documentary progresses it becomes less and less about kim, and more about her adopted older brother marc who clings to the past, and his perceived glory days, while she wants to put the past behind her. if you're into documentaries this was a good one. i hope moster didn't put this on the queue. given the subject matter i'm not so sure... i apologize if i watched this out from underneath you mah poops.
Synopsis
a documentary about a trans-gendered woman going back home to montana for her high school reunion. though it becomes more about her accepting her past as a male, and her relationship with her older brother who has not really accepted her, who also, due to a severe head trauma, turns out to be mentally ill.
The Woman
i always hesitate watching documentaries (though i am kind of obsessed with them) because i know they are always never happy-go-lucky. this was no exception. it was good, and i really enjoyed taking the journey into this woman's life and familial relationships, but it was in no way happy. dealing with the mentally ill is never an enjoyable process and this portrayed it perfectly. as the documentary progresses it becomes less and less about kim, and more about her adopted older brother marc who clings to the past, and his perceived glory days, while she wants to put the past behind her. if you're into documentaries this was a good one. i hope moster didn't put this on the queue. given the subject matter i'm not so sure... i apologize if i watched this out from underneath you mah poops.
Choke
Written by Clark Gregg, Chuck Palanhiuk (book)
Directed by Clark Gregg
Starring Sam Rockwell, Kelly Macdonald, Angelica Houston, Brad William Henke
Synopsis
Dealing with a shitty job and a mother with dementia, a sex addict (who's about as on the wagon as I am with food right now) scams extra cash by legitimately choking and letting people "adopt " him after they've saved him. He meets a new doctor at his mother's home and some interesting, atypical things happen.
Woman
i am an enormous palahniuk fan, and sometimes when you've read a book it's hard to see a movie adaptation for what it is instead of what it's missing. this isn't to say i didn't like this movie. i'm just not sure how i objectively i can critique it. i have a hard time unblending what i know about the plot and what was actually portrayed in the movie. sam rockwell was indeed the perfect cast in this role. he did phenomenal. it was also wonderful to watch a plot i haven't seen reenacted 2.3 gajillion times before. that's why i love palahniuk so much. his stories are dark, and funny, full of unanticipated plot movement, and almost all are despicable characters. i would definitely recommend.
MOster
This was good and entertaining. I found myself literally on the edge of my seat for the last 15 minutes or so because not having read the book I had no idea how things were going to turn out. The story on screen was tight and well paced. There were few scenes or shots that did nothing to advance the plot or the character development. This truly is a story of a person developing and it does a good job of showing how difficult that development is and how the relatively small changes he makes end up having a positive impact on his life.
The tightness of the story translates through to the process of bringing the production to the screen. Direction was clear, showing different types of actions in slightly-varied ways. I especially liked the way his imaginings of the women with their shirts off were integrated seamlessly into the longer shots of them with their clothes on. Blah blah MOster blah everything was pretty and looked like it fit in the same universe. Another interesting thing about this movie is that while it's about sex I think the sex itself was largely PG-13 while the language is what made it an R.
Casting here was perfect for the story. Sam Rockwell did very well in both acting and emoting, to the point where his usually-grating smirk and sometimes-annoying voice made Victor a three-dimensional character. I've had a love for Kelly Macdonald since Trainspotting and she didn't disappoint me here, either. She plays the calm, reserved doctor very well and she's just so damn CUTE (but in a very sexy way). Angelica Houston doesn't need critiquing by the likes of me; and the dude who played the best friend was another fully-realized character with whom it was easy to empathize despite his particular sex addiction.
This is a solid four, and we see far too few of those.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Did You Hear About the Morgans?
Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009)
Director:Marc Lawrence
Writer: Marc Lawrence
Starring: Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sam Elliot, Mary Steenburgen
Synopsis
separated new york power couple witness a murder somehow involving gun running(?) not important. they are relocated to wyoming, where they make constant fish-out-of-water jokes. with no distractions they shockingly work through their differences.
The Woman
there is nothing creative or new, or even funny involving this movie. i don't know why i put myself through these dime a dozen romantic comedies. it must be something in the female dna. this could have seriously, with a few minor details changed, been "the proposal", or....i can't think of another one because they're all blending together in my brain. there were maybe one or two occurances where the corner of my lips upturned 3 degrees from their original state, but it's now fifteen minutes after the end of my viewing and i can't recall the instances so what does that tell you. i could tell where it was supposed to be funny, and that just made me more dissatisfied. stupid and shallow, uninteresting and unoriginal. not even wiford brimley could save this one.now, i'm going to go get a chai latte from starbucks.
Writer: Marc Lawrence
Starring: Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sam Elliot, Mary Steenburgen
Synopsis
separated new york power couple witness a murder somehow involving gun running(?) not important. they are relocated to wyoming, where they make constant fish-out-of-water jokes. with no distractions they shockingly work through their differences.
The Woman
there is nothing creative or new, or even funny involving this movie. i don't know why i put myself through these dime a dozen romantic comedies. it must be something in the female dna. this could have seriously, with a few minor details changed, been "the proposal", or....i can't think of another one because they're all blending together in my brain. there were maybe one or two occurances where the corner of my lips upturned 3 degrees from their original state, but it's now fifteen minutes after the end of my viewing and i can't recall the instances so what does that tell you. i could tell where it was supposed to be funny, and that just made me more dissatisfied. stupid and shallow, uninteresting and unoriginal. not even wiford brimley could save this one.now, i'm going to go get a chai latte from starbucks.
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