Saturday, February 11, 2012
Writer: Shauna Cross (screenplay and novel...there goes my theory of the book being anally raped into movie form)
Director: Drew Barrymore
Starring: Ellen Page, Kristen Wiig, Alia Shawkat
Um. There's an individual in a Pageantian family. Her mother is oppressive; her father (I guess) likes to have sex some times and watch football. She becomes embroiled in the roller derby. Act like this is a spoiler if you wan to: Everything is fine in the end.
steaming pile. i was a little prejudiced going into this, seeing as my wonderful dear best friend forevers saw this ages ago and hated it so much she couldn't sit through the rot. i have seen this movie made 9 trillion times before. this plot is why i didn't understand the whole hubbub about "bend it like beckham" this is the same movie, but instead of soccer vs. traditional indian heritage and culture, it was alterno outcast finding her place amongst the roller derby lifestyle vs. traditional texas heritage and culture of cheerleading and beauty pageants. i don't want to rag on roller derby because, frankly, i think roller derby is pretty awesome, but this movie weighs the cool factor down. i don't understand the use of for lack of a better term underground subculture such as roller derby and mix it with the most common coming of age nonsense plot.
there were parts of this movie that pained me so to sit through. not because of it's poignancy, but because it made me want to vomit. listen up drew barrymore. i was a teenage outcast, and even at 17 i would have shit all over this pooptastic piece of cinema. moster and i laughed about how the two of us came up with every detail of the plot within the first 10 minutes, but it's not really funny.
p.s. i don't think patrick swayze has passed on. i think he is passing himself off as a middle aged juliette lewis. check it out because it's totally true.
This movie is Drew Barrymore's take on Command Performance. The fact that she only has a supporting role is immaterial.
Nothing here is original. The characters have all been done before, better. The story has been done before, better. The shots are quite obviously stolen, fairly evenly, from each prior Drew Barrymore vehicle. There aren't even any bare breasts.
With all that said, I didn't find it to be particularly offensive; it just is. It's there, like a boulder in the woods or a dilapidated building on the street right between the McMansions and the old growth homes.