Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Writer: hahahahaha i forgot about this part!! hold onto your eyeballs people: Tennyson Bardwell
Director: Tennyson Bardwell (i'm immediately going to imdb to look at the other works of such an appropriately named fellow)
Starring: Tim Daly, Tom Arnold and Zoe Seldana (one of these things is not like the other)
This dude's aunt dies, and there's all this talk about how her place is haunted but all he cares about is selling the house. The dude's a bit of a cock and is skeptical, of every thing, for about eleven seconds at a shot (i.e. as long as it suits the plot). He meets this one weirdo in a paranormal study institute (or something) and then he meets a woman there. They try to investigate some of the odd goings on in the house, which leads to some REVELATIONS ABOUT HIS PAST.
holy shit, batman, this was terrible! i expected nothing less. in fact, i put it on the queue as a joke, you have to think upon first glimpse of this what could be better than a tim dal;y horror movie? a tim daly, tom arnold horror movie! but this was cable access channel bad. acting laughable. writing laughable. it makes the staff at syfy original movie productions look pulitzer worthy. it makes george lucas look....nope, he still looks like a bad writer. it's almost incapable to grasp how bad this was. it started out really vibing on religious, and then just spiraled into what the fuck!?! it's almost as if two different "writers" and i use that term loosely, were playing exquisite corpses and the second didn't read the first one's work.the ending made the whole movie nonsensical. piss poor tim daly, piss poor. awesome work, tom arnold, awesome work.
This was dumb. Who decided that Tim Daly needed a "vehicle," anyway? I remember watching this trailer and being ready for some crap, but the reason that this was so poor is that the main character didn't make any sense. He's only skeptical in that he's inquisitive. He asks probing questions about a topic until he decides to accept that the bullshit is actually chocolate ice cream and then he makes rash decisions.
I don't want to write very much about this, and not because it's been a while since we watched it. It just didn't leave me with very much, even ire, because it was so weak. It's like getting pissed at the kid. I'm mad for the time that he's being a jerk, but it's so ineffectual that within 20 minutes the memory gets an mild chuckle.