Queue Total

284 MOVIES (released titles only)

Note: Real spoilers are in black text on a black background. Highlight the black areas to read the spoilers.

Queue Numbers

#50- Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

#100- Black Swan

#200- Mysteries of Lisbon

Last- Once Upon a Time in Anatolia

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Tourist

The Tourist (2010)

Writer: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, Christopher McQuarrie, Julian Fellowes
Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Starring: Johnny Depp, Angelina fish lips Jolie

a chick who is being followed by scotland yard because her boyfriend who she hasn't seen in two years stole a hundreds of millions of dollars? no pounds? no euros? from a british gangster who surrounds himself with russian henchmen to make himself seem more hardcore, owes back taxes on stolen money? hence the scotland yard issue, and has had plastic surgery so no one knows what he looks like, gets on a train and convinces the authorities that the american, johnny depp, is said boyfriend. cops figure it out that he isn't, but british/russian mob guy does not.

The Woman
this was HORRIBLE! angelina jolie should not speak in an english accent. she doesn't do it very well. it just made me want her to explode even more than usual. i dislike her. also timothy dalton doesn't help the situation. is it just me or does he make everyone guffaw.

anyway, back to the horribleness of this movie. their immediate "romance" came off as super sacchariney and schmaltzy. it was like a bad grocery store romance novel. there were also several elements that seemed very similar to stanley donen's "arabesque" which, being a donen flick, is seriously super awesome. johnny depp is no carey grant, and the fishlips lady is not even in the same level of dimension as audrey hepburn. it hurts my fingers just putting them in the same sentence. i don't know if there was some homage thing going on, but either way FAIL. it just ended up putting into perspective how awesome "arabesque" is and how terrible this movie is. the ending is also not shocking. they kind of gave it away in the trailers.

don't even bother. this movie sucks.

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