Dorian Gray

Dorian Gray (2009)


Writer: Toby Finlay (screenplay) Oscar Wilde (novel "the picture of dorian gray")
Director: Oliver Parker
Starring:  Ben Barnes, Colin Firth, Ben Chaplin, and a bunch of chicks

Synopsis
dude paints a portrait of dorian gray. all the terrible things he does reflects in the painting while he stays perfect and young and beautiful.

The Woman
LAME. not that i was expecting anything more. this was all about his lechery and yet, it didn't show any of it. they alluded to it. you got a lot of heavy breathing and i think 1 nipple once, but that was it. i feel like if you want to have a movie about "sinning" i.e. murder and sex, be really graphic about it or don't make it. this was just wishy washy, and therefore stupid.

i've never read the book so have nothing to say on the accuracy of the movie. moster has, and from one scene, viewed for about 30 seconds, he said it was different. i sensed that because if oscar wilde wrote this the way it was presented in 2009 movie format, he would not have been remembered at all. oscar who?

Cold Souls

Cold Souls (2009)
Written by Sophie Barthes
Directed by Sophie Barthes
Starring Paul Giamatti, Emily Watson, Dina Korzun, David Strathairn

Synopsis
paul giamatti plays himself and is in a funk. his soul feels too heavy to bear. through an article in the "new yorker" he finds a soul storage facility. they remove one's soul and store it. they also offer soul rental. replacing your soul with someone else's. unfortunately, the soul storage industry is so new it is not regulated, and there is all sorts of nefarious things going on with soul mules form russia. giamatti's soul ends up missing and he is desperate to get it back.

MOster
This is of that rare kind of movie that enables suspension of disbelief without even trying.  Reminiscent of Gondry or Kauffman but without nearly as much baggage, the plot takes us through Mr. Giamatti's troubles and his attempts to fix them and the inevitable snowball effect included in such a venture as if they were just part of the deal.  The satisfying resolution leaves one with questions which are enjoyable to ponder, and not frustrating.

Giamatti was the perfect choice for this role. (I'm too lazy to look up if the part was written with him in mind specifically other than to say that his wife has a producer's credit; but that might just be because he's playing himself in bed with another woman.) He's at just that level of fame where we as the audience know that he has to work to work, but he's still fully capable of bringing the gamut.  It's really cool and utterly believable to see the naturalistic way that he approaches the main role as well as his character's attempts at acting in the play.  This is entirely his movie, and he owns it.

Production matches or exceeds the aesthetic one would expect from this synopsis.  Direction was largely unassuming--no particular flourishes come to mind--and the production itself was spot on.  From the eerie office space to the warehouse in Russia to the playhouse, everything is just right.  I'm forced to wonder (but again too lazy to look up) if they actually did some location shooting in Russia or if they found a more-local place to use for fakery, but no matter

This is great, entirely worth our time, and fully recommended.

The Woman
pretty awesome. the humor was dry, but i dug it. the concept was original, and done well. the whole topic of the soul was tackled in a way that was believable. there were no grandiose statements made about religion and although the whole movie was philosophical, there were no real discussions of philosophy. it was just presented as an organ. a mysterious, but tangible organ. the events that occur after the extraction are entertaining and kept my attention. i don't even think i was doing anything, but sitting on the couch. there was not a moment of confusion for me, as the viewer, which is a direction this could have easily taken. (a.k.a. too cerebral) it did have whiffs of kauffman, but wasn't nearly as depressing or heavy, my main complaint about kauffman.

i did have a little issue with how it was ended, but that is my only complaint, and it's a tiny one that i can easily overlook.  i wish i could remember more, but we watched it a week ago and have been extreme slackers. i would totally recommend this to certain people, but i could also see how this would not be everyone's cup of tea.

Drag Me to Hell

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Writer: Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi
Director: Sam Raimi
Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long

Synopsis
a loan officer finally puts her foot down (probably for the first time in her life) and refuses to extend an old woman's loan for the third time. the old lady curses her.

The Woman
 this was totally sam raimi. sam raimi with a budget. i think i actually prefer tiny budget and less production value. it makes one be creative with what they've got. this was ok. there was a reoccurring theme of gross things spewing into alison lohman's mouth. the character used to be a really fat girl so i can see a laughable reason for this, but i think the shock value was kind of lost after the first time.

justin long bothers me. i don't know why. he didn't used to, but he always plays the same character the same way. really nice guy without a clue. usually boyfriend.

Down by Law

Down by Law (1986)

Written by Jim Jarmusch
Directed by Jim Jarmusch
Starring Tom Waits, Roberto Benigni, John Lurie

Synopsis
Through a series of set- and frame-ups, three dudes end up cellmates in a Louisiana jail.


The Woman
i left for a while after a half hour of this movie. i'm just not a jarmusch fan. it's too artschooly for me. i start having flashbacks. that said, i didn't think it was horrible. i did comeback to see the last forty minutes, but if it were up to me this could have easily been turned off. i just don't see the point. and the arrogance vibe leeches from the screen.

MOster
I have a Jarmusch problem.  I always expect things to be on the level of Coffee and Cigarettes or better, but even that movie was only a B with special consideration for awesomeness in actors.

This was directed well and shot beautifully.  Mr. Jarmusch does know how to make black and white pop and scenes are built around that perhaps too much.  Story-wise, however, things didn't explode quite so much for me.  In watching these three not-exactly-fuckups allow their zeal to ruin their lives, the first act was the strongest by far; and Benigni's weirdo Italian was by far the most entertaining.

Once they got to the jail things fell to a plateau which wasn't at seal level but was clearly not at the same level.  You could feel their frustration and fatigue during the jail and (spoiler alert?) escape but there wasn't enough to engage or care about the outcome.  The very good acting wasn't enough to make me feel tension or any other form of investment in the outcome.  And the final scene was EXTREMELY student film (though the location scout did a great job).

This movie in particular has a clear point of view and the fact that that point of view is driven home with a ball-peen hammer is partially excused by the age of the film relative to the age of the director.  But only partially.  You need more than a series of extremely pretty black and white shots to make a good movie.

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (2009)


Writer: Troy Duffy, Taylor Duffy
Director: Troy Duffy
Starring: Sean Patrick Flannery, Norman Reedus, Billy Connolly, Clifton Collins Jr., Julie Benz

Synopsis
the mcmanus brothers come out of hiding after someone frames them. they take a mexican under their wing instead of an italian , and a woman FBI agent is after them instead of a gay guy.

The Woman
terrible. i was on the fence about the first one, but at least it had some sort of substance to it. this was almost a mockery of the first. a crass caricature made by a street artist in disney world. there were too many different things going on in this plot. and i use the word plot loosely. there was the thing going on with connolly's character past and present, then there was the boys with the mexican version of rocco, then there was the italian mafia judd nelson thing, and finally the bungling idiot cops running around like the three stooges on stupid medicine with julie benz thrown in for the t & a. the best part of the first one, a.k.a willem dafoe, was left out of this and let me just say julie benz is no dafoe. that's what i kept thinking throughout the entirety of this movie. at least until minute 110 and then i groaned. i guess we all need a paycheck? even dafoe? isn't he in everything? ugh. sigh. it's even more disappointing when it's done by the same people as the first and it's such an epic fail in achieving what the first one did.

as a side note: what the hell happened to sean patrick flannery!? was he in some horrible accident where his face needed reconstructive surgery like hamill? or could it be that the fates have been just that cruel. he looked older than billy connolly. maybe he's just a raging alcoholic and it's made his face all puffy and bloated. i'm totally going to look this up now....nothin! i'm going with the raging alcoholic theory. seriously, he was barely recognizable.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)


Writer: Rick Riordan (novel) Craig Titley (screenplay)
Director: Chris Columbus
Starring: some kids and a bunch of adults you wouldn't think would be in a crappy kids movie i.e steve coogan
Synopsis
percy jackson finds out he is the son of the god Poseidon! he goes to this camp for "demi-gods" to hone his skills  as a "hero". he has been accused of stealing zeus' lightning bolt and a war of the gods is set to commence on the summer solstice if it is not returned. he is completely innocent! he sets out on a journey with his satyr "protector" and a chick "demi-god" who wears armor with big boobies (don't get excited guys it's not revealing in any way) to free his mother from hades and find the lightning bolt.....all before the summer solstice which is like a week away!!!

The Woman
i have no idea why i wanted to watch this. it was a total lame tweeny movie. it didn't have the balls to even be a teen movie. i know it's from a kids book.....did i mention this was lame? i love how thew war of the gods is set on a date. who would they be warring with? because at the end (right at midnight on the summer solstice) they were chilling in a big room together. what happens when this kid has a kid? is it a quarter-god? what happens if he has a kid with the demi -god chick? is it still a demi- god? or a whole god?

ooo! i forgot to mention this kid had dyslexia that turned all words into the greek alphabet and scrambled them around. he could read it though if it was in ancient greek. perfect sense! i hope to mount olympia there will not be anymore of these. the colon in the title makes me a little worried.

The Boondock Saints

The Boondock Saints (1999)


Writer: Troy Duffy
Director: Troy Duffy
Starring: Sean Patrick Flannery, Norman Reedus, Willem Dafoe, David Della Rocco

Synopsis
irish brothers living in boston ("which means...go fuck yourself") take on the task of obliterating organized crime.

The Woman
 i know i'm probably gonna get flack for this, but i don't see why people love this movie. i'm not saying it was bad. i enjoyed it, but i didn't see the extraordinary in it. the plot was a basic good vs. evil in a sort of comicbooky way. seen it. willem dafoe was excellent as usual. billy connolly's character also should get a shout out for awesomeness, but shme. i might go as far as to say forgettable in the grand scheme of things. maybe that was a little offsides. i'll take that last statement back. there were some pretty standout scenes. i thought it was innovative how dafoe's profiler forensic federal guy interprets the scene of the crime, and that is how the viewer gets to see what went down. props for that.

i have heard the sequel is horrendous. stay tuned.