District 13: Ultimatum

District 13: Ultimatum 


Writer: Luc Besson
Director: Patric Allessandrin
Starring: Cyril Raffaelli, David Belle, Philippe Torreton
Synopsis
District 13 is in danger of a nefarious plot by developers.  Eventually people become physically violent in their support of or opposition that.

P.S. The Prime Minister is actually not evil.
The Woman
super shme! i don't remember much from the first one, but i remember i enjoyed it. this was a pretty big waste of time. the plot took way too long to come together. it was dumb. the bald cop guy was oozing with arrogance vibe. his poo is so super awesome it smells of manly XTREME things.

don't watch this. it ain't worth it. the 2 or 3 fight scenes don't save it. this movie tried too hard. it's gotta seem effortless, and i should not be able to smell the brand of douche of the lead.

MOster
Yeah, shmeh is accurate.  This was like an hour of setup for 30 minutes of action.  I really didn't care about the (shockingly similar to last time) politics of the country. Nor did I care about the inter-gang goings-on.  I just wanted to watch that one dude jump from the sides of buildings and that other dude drive cars dangerously and blow shit up.  Why do they have to do this?

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Writer: Michael Robert Johnson, Anthony Peckham, Simon Kinberg (all screenplay), Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (characters)
Director: Guy Ritchie (sigh or growl)
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law

Synopsis
sherlock holmes and the case of the black magic man.

MOster
I really thought I'd done this one.  I was annoyed by the style, yes.  But not the plotting or the mystery itself.  I expected it to be worse and more annoying than it turned out to be.  Even with their affectations they have good chemistry, and that helped to gloss over a lot of the nonsense.

As a youngster, I'd read all the Holmes stories; and this certainly takes its liberties with the substance.  A lot of those liberties make sense, and not only because it's Guy Ritchie and he has to do his stupid violent shit.  There have been enough (good) closer tellings of the Holmes tales.

That begs the question, "Was this truly necessary?"  The answer to that question is a resounding, "Of course not!" But it could have been a lot worse.


The Woman
i didn't mind this one. moster was annoyed throughout, but i found it interesting and entertaining, which is what it's all about, right? law and downey have really good chemistry. so yeah. entertaining. that hasn't happened in awhile. content to sit and watch a movie. the direction, as i'm sure moster will point out as he was very vocal about it from the couch, was a bit over the top at times. but i don't care. i'm not going to poop on this one. i liked it. and rachel mcadams usually annoys me, but i could overlook her in this one. it's the while katie holmes issue in batman begins. i'll just ignore it.

on a side note: i did make the connection, perhaps finally,  between sherlock holmes and house. come on. seriously. homes and house. watson and wilson. moster pointed out even the addiction part of it. geez louise. it was the banter between the two leads that did it for me. i've heard the same antics come out of the tv when tuned to fox. that was when house was good. when it was about the case and the mystery of the patient and not just constant philosophical discussion and psychiatric analysis of the main characters.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (2009)

Writer: Terry Gilliam, Charles McKeown
Director: Terry Gilliam
Starring: Christopher Plummer, Lily Cole, Heath Ledger, Andrew Garfield, Verne Troyer

Synopsis
uhhhhhhhhh. good vs. evil in the form of a monk with an imaginarium and the devil influencing and making pacts.

MOster
This is definitely a better example of Gilliam than his last movie with so many stars (which actually also included Heath Ledger, interestingly).  That means that it's quite specific about its approach, and go fuck yourself.  I appreciate that sentiment, and I appreciated this movie at that meta level.

Beyond that, it's a little tenuous for me.  I didn't really get myself too invested in the characters or their situations, not least because it seems to me that the Doctor could have had a much easier time--and saved more people from the devil (and may I just say that Tom Waits' hit-to-miss ratio is far above average)--if he had modernized his approach just a little bit.  There were too many little pieces moving around, both in backstory and in actual characters, and not enough clinking.


The Woman
this was way too manic for me. it was like watching an entire movie of robin williams in the fisher king in his most ranty, excited self, playing all the parts at once. i also didn't really understand the ending. i get it in the big picture, but i don't understand the details. the imaginarium was very gilliam. with the giant plummer heads and such. i kind of wish he stuck to animating them instead of using new fangled technology. it was very reminiscent of the monty python animations so why not embrace it as such and do it full retro. we're all making the connection anyway. yet another meh.

Ninja Assassin

Ninja Assassin (2009)


Writer: Matthew Sand, J. Michael Straczynski
Director: James McTeigue
Starring: Rain, Naomi Harris

Synopsis
Ninja schools take babies and abuse them until they become ninjas.  One such ninja takes issue with something that happens in his house and bucks the system.

The Woman
it was like they blew all the budget for the whole movie on the CG blood. it's kind of a cop out. i might have enjoyed this a little more if there was a little more creative effort put into the gore. the story was eh. the acting was eh. the fight scenes were a little cooler. i can be down with exaggerated gore. it works for this type of shaw brothers homage, but see 2nd sentence. disappointed. the quality reminded me of "the ministers" which is not a good thing. this had potential, but it seemed to miss its intended mark. i was disappointed.

MOster
That synopsis is not vague because I'm trying to hide spoilers.  It's vague because the movie gave me nothing in the plot on which to latch my attention.  Some of the fights were pretty cool--one of them is even in the rain!--and some of the reveals were alright.

There's nothing here that you couldn't find in an older movie.  But you'd likely have to dig through that older movie's story and character development to find what you seek.

Also, isn't "Ninja Assassin" redundant?

PAUL

Paul (2011)

Writer: Simon Pegg & Nick Frost
Director: Greg Mottola
Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig

Synopsis
some dorky guys from the UK. after going to comic-con, go on an rv road trip through america. they run into (literally?) an alien named paul. then they run into jesus loving kristen wiig. all while being chased by some government agents.

MOster
I was let down by this movie.  It kind of felt like our Simon just didn't try very hard.  He knew the beats he had to hit and he hit them exactly according to the metronome.  Everything fits together nicely.  Everyone knows what they have to do and does it.  It's a well-oiled machine.

There was just no spark here; it isn't Shaun of the Dead, and it's nowhere near "Spaced."  Will anything ever be anywhere near "Spaced," though? Not from these guys, because most good art comes from hunger and Pegg and Frost are well beyond thinking about the origin of their next meals.

The Woman

grrr. i hate to be disappointed in pegg/frost movies, but it keeps happening! i hold 'spaced' and 'shaun of the dead' so high that i keep comparing. i should stop. i guess this had moments, but i maybe am being kind because i can't let go of my positive attitude toward pegg & frost.  dammit! i feel like they're just trying to recreate the past successes, but these more current movies are like bad photocopies. i can't go on. i'm almost rendered speechless in my disappointment. grrr. it's unfortunate.

Drive

Drive (2011)

Writer: Hossein Amini (screenplay), James Sallis (book)
Director: Nicolas Winding Refn
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Carrie Mulligan, Bryan Cranston, Al Brooks

Synopsis
a stunt driver who hires himself out as a getaway driver, gets in over his head when he breaks his rules about socializing.

The Woman
this thing was everything i wanted it to be. it lived up to expectation...in a good way! when does that happen?! i am not one to get squirmy about hardcore violence, but jesus, i have to admit i squirmed at least twice in my seat with the raw unadulterated violence and gore. it was just enough too. it wasn't excessive in any aspect, it was baby bear's "just right". me likey. i don't quite understand the explosion of romanticness thrown ryan gosling's way by the ladies after this movie. he is kind of a total sociopath in this....maybe that's what ladies like? a good lookin' guy with a murderous, violent rage just under the surface. he'll always be "young hercules" to me. ha. that show was hilarious.

i WILL make the MOster watch this one. mark my words.

The Change-Up

The Change-Up (2011)


Writer: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore
Director:  David Dobkin
Starring: Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds, Leslie Mann, Olivia Wilde

Synopsis
judge reinhold is played by jason bateman. fred savage is played by ryan reynolds. instead of a skull, it's a fountain. instead of realizing and accepting how difficult each others respective life is, they realize and accept how happy they both actually were in their respective lives. just when you thought the switching movies were all played out...

The Woman
i watched this awhile ago and forgot to write about it. the biggest impression made on me were the perfect titties that leslie mann possesses. there was a whole discussion over dinner that night about their picture perfectness and whether they were augmented or not. we decided they were because her nipples were aimed at the sky and that is simply not the case in nature of women her age. but i'll be damned that is a good boob job.

i don't know when this guys coming to grips with being a grown up became a genre, but man, it is. it's like the chick flick for guys. you do have a family and you do actually love them. amazing! you can make all the blow job/dick/ fart jokes all you want as long as you have that happy, coming to accept life moment. oh, and it must also star jason bateman or paul rudd. thirty-somethings and early forty-something guys will come a flockin'. their wives may even be in attendance. as long as their not busy watching the wacky children or working late in their successful career.

i judged this movie by it's opening sequence of CG baby butt hole squirting one out on dad's face. yup. i was pretty right. i will admit i laughed at the misunderstood wife seduction that turned into the poop joke. even though it was in the trailer, poop is still funny. unless it's chocolate pudding baby poop coming from a CG baby butt hole.